- Julius: [after Rochelle finds a bra in Julius's sock drawer] I don't know anything about that bra. I've never seen that bra in my life?
- Rochelle: So what was it doing in your sock drawer?
- Julius: I have no idea.
- Rochelle: Oh. Did a pair of your socks have a date last night and get lucky? Or maybe a pair of your socks thought it was a bra trapped inside sock's body! Or maybe you had a friend over and she put 'em there.
- Julius: Even if I had a friend...
- Narrator: Shut up.
- Julius: And I was crazy enough to bring her over...
- Narrator: Shut up.
- Julius: Do you think I'd be crazy enough to put a bra in my sock drawer when I know you do the laundry?
- Narrator: Would you shut up?
- Rochelle: So you thought about this?
- Narrator: I told your ass to shut up.
- Narrator: Since having Stacy kidnapped was out of my price range, I decided to make my case with Doc.
- Doc: What are you doing here, Chris? You don't work till tomorrow.
- Chris: I came to talk to you about Stacy.
- Drew: I love Stacy. She came by today and brought me a pie. And if she was 13, I'd probably have to take her from you, Doc.
- Narrator: You'd have to get past R. Kelly first.
- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] Why don't you just quit? You can find another job.
- Chris: Not like this one. I mean, I make decent money, it's close to my house and I can make my own hours. It's either Doc's or I start dealing crack.
- Greg Wuliger: How come she's not with Doc anyways? Where is he?
- Chris: He plays chess in the park on weekends.
- Greg Wuliger: Just get her to go with him.
- Chris: Thanks, Captain Obvious. How am I supposed to do that?
- Greg Wuliger: I don't know, citizen. Captain Obvious only gives you the obvious solution. The rest is up to you.
- Narrator: Kind of like Google.
- Stacy: Mm, mm, mm. I should have known better.
- Chris: Should have known better what?
- Narrator: Known better than to listen to a sneaky 15-year-old.
- Stacy: It is the same thing over and over again! And Stacy is tired of it! Stacy is not a fool. When Stacy smells smoke, Stacy doesn't stand around and wait for the fire! Stacy is leaving!
- Narrator: Referring to yourself in the third person. It's not just for athletes anymore.
- Rochelle: Tonya, that's a nice necklace. Where'd you get it?
- Tonya: Oh, this boy gave it to me.
- Julius: Well, give it back. You're too young to be getting gifts from boys.
- Rochelle: Julius, don't get carried away. It's just a plastic necklace.
- Julius: Next, it'll be a plastic bracelet, then a plastic ring. I want this to stop at the neck.
- Narrator: He said that till she turned 35.
- Stacy: Chris, don't grow up to be like that. No matter how much you think you may hurt a woman's feelings, you have to tell her the truth. She may hate you, she may burn down your house or pour bleach on your clothes or attack your new girlfriend with ants or take every dime you make. She may scratch your car with a rake or use your home phone to call China long distance. Or she could put milk and detergent in your gas tank. Or put turpentine and nail polish remover and itching powder in your underwear.
- [two hours later]
- Stacy: She may glue your private parts to your leg. She may send an assassination threat to the president with your return address.
- Rochelle: Okay, Tonya, talk to me.
- Tonya: W... well, I saw these boys paying attention to girls who wear bras, so I stole Tasha's because I wanted some of that attention, too.
- Rochelle: Baby. Tonya, that's not the kind of attention that you want. You want boys to look at what's in your heart, not what's in your bra.
- Narrator: In my sister's case, they were both empty.