Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates Doc's (2008)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Julius : [after Rochelle finds a bra in Julius's sock drawer]  I don't know anything about that bra. I've never seen that bra in my life?

  Rochelle : So what was it doing in your sock drawer?

  Julius : I have no idea.

  Rochelle : Oh. Did a pair of your socks have a date last night and get lucky? Or maybe a pair of your socks thought it was a bra trapped inside sock's body! Or maybe you had a friend over and she put 'em there.

  Julius : Even if I had a friend...

  Narrator : Shut up.

  Julius : And I was crazy enough to bring her over...

  Narrator : Shut up.

  Julius : Do you think I'd be crazy enough to put a bra in my sock drawer when I know you do the laundry?

  Narrator : Would you shut up?

  Rochelle : So you thought about this?

  Narrator : I told your ass to shut up.

• Narrator : Believe it or not, Doc's girlfriend was only the second-worst boss I've had. Mr. Fong was the worst and I could only imagine how hard it would be working for him again.

  Mr. Fong : Hey, quit imagining what it would be like to work for me and get back to work, Lionel Richie.

• Narrator : Since having Stacy kidnapped was out of my price range, I decided to make my case with Doc.

  Doc : What are you doing here, Chris? You don't work till tomorrow.

  Chris : I came to talk to you about Stacy.

  Drew : I love Stacy. She came by today and brought me a pie. And if she was 13, I'd probably have to take her from you, Doc.

  Narrator : You'd have to get past R. Kelly first.

• Greg Wuliger : [to Chris]  Why don't you just quit? You can find another job.

  Chris : Not like this one. I mean, I make decent money, it's close to my house and I can make my own hours. It's either Doc's or I start dealing crack.

  Greg Wuliger : How come she's not with Doc anyways? Where is he?

  Chris : He plays chess in the park on weekends.

  Greg Wuliger : Just get her to go with him.

  Chris : Thanks, Captain Obvious. How am I supposed to do that?

  Greg Wuliger : I don't know, citizen. Captain Obvious only gives you the obvious solution. The rest is up to you.

  Narrator : Kind of like Google.

• Stacy : Mm, mm, mm. I should have known better.

  Chris : Should have known better what?

  Narrator : Known better than to listen to a sneaky 15-year-old.

  Stacy : It is the same thing over and over again! And Stacy is tired of it! Stacy is not a fool. When Stacy smells smoke, Stacy doesn't stand around and wait for the fire! Stacy is leaving!

  Narrator : Referring to yourself in the third person. It's not just for athletes anymore.

• Narrator : I was like Cupid's retarded little brother. Damn, I'm good.

• Narrator : Doc hadn't needed whiskey and tissues since Maceo Parker left James Brown's band.

• Rochelle : Tonya, that's a nice necklace. Where'd you get it?

  Tonya : Oh, this boy gave it to me.

  Julius : Well, give it back. You're too young to be getting gifts from boys.

  Rochelle : Julius, don't get carried away. It's just a plastic necklace.

  Julius : Next, it'll be a plastic bracelet, then a plastic ring. I want this to stop at the neck.

  Narrator : He said that till she turned 35.

• Narrator : I got rid of Stacy, my job and Doc's will to live. Way to go, dummy.

• Stacy : Chris, Doc is a liar and I know that you want to take up for him, but he doesn't deserve another chance. Ooh! He is like all the other men I've ever dated! He lied, they lied because they're liars.

  Narrator : The story of the Bush Administration.

• Rochelle : Okay, Tonya, talk to me.

  Tonya : W... well, I saw these boys paying attention to girls who wear bras, so I stole Tasha's because I wanted some of that attention, too.

  Rochelle : Baby. Tonya, that's not the kind of attention that you want. You want boys to look at what's in your heart, not what's in your bra.

  Narrator : In my sister's case, they were both empty.