Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Damn You, Eggs Benedict (2008)
Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper
Photos
Quotes
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[Jake is throwing up after drinking]
Charlie Harper : You know, your body is sending you a message.
Jake Harper : Yeah. Next time, I need to chew my food properly. Look at that shrimp! You could wash it off and serve it again!
Charlie Harper : It's also telling you that alcohol is poison.
Jake Harper : Then, why do you drink?
Charlie Harper : Because I have things inside of me that I need killed.
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Charlie Harper : You know what the problem is? The women, the drinking... You look at me and think it's easy. What you *don't* see is the years of dedication that have made me the boozing ass-wrangler I am today!
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Charlie Harper : [making breakfast] How do you like your eggs?
Berta : Sunny side up.
Charlie Harper : Scrambled it is.
Berta : [picks up a cookbook] "Cooking for Dummies"?
Charlie Harper : [to Jake, watching TV on the couch] No offense, Jake. I'm actually cookin' for everybody.
Berta : What brought this on?
Charlie Harper : I don't know. I... thought I'd expand my horizons a bit.
Berta : [smiles] Uh-huh.
Charlie Harper : What?
Berta : I'm just trying to figure out how scrambled eggs are gonna get you laid.
Charlie Harper : You and me both!
Charlie Harper , Berta : [both laugh]
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Charlie Harper : Let me put it this way: alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain cells.
Jake Harper : Yeah, so?
Charlie Harper : I rest my case.
Jake Harper : What case?
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Alan Harper : Tonight, I give my second rose to bachelorette number two.
Charlie Harper : Only you can gay up banging two women.
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Jake Harper : Man, I thought you were cool.
Charlie Harper : You know what makes me cool? Not giving a crap about what you think!
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Alan Harper : [watching Charlie bite into a tube of cinnamon buns] What are you doing?
Charlie Harper : What does it look like I'm doing?
Alan Harper : I'd rather not say.
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Charlie Harper : How would you like your eggs?
Jake Harper : In an Easter basket.
Charlie Harper : Scrambled it is.
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Charlie Harper : Hey, Alan! Can you taste my hollandaise sauce?
Alan Harper : You made hollandaise sauce?
Charlie Harper : You tell me.
Alan Harper : [Tastes sauce] You did *not* make hollandaise sauce.
Charlie Harper : Damn you, Eggs Benedict!
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Charlie Harper : So... How about a beer?
[Jake throws up]
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Charlie Harper : [Charlie goes to pick up Jake, who has gotten drunk at the mall with one of his friends] So, where's your friend?
Jake Harper : Gabe? He ditched me when I started throwin' up, the bat rastard.