- Michael Scott: [on phone] Michael Scott calling for David. Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
- Michael Scott: All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department.
- Charles Miner: Hey. I come from accounting, too.
- Michael Scott: Nerd alert! This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino, and he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart, but he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever, and I'm very proud of him for that.
- Charles Miner: [shaking hands with Oscar] Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you. Good.
- Michael Scott: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. The one over there, in the orange.
- [pointing to Andy]
- Andy Bernard: Heyo!
- Michael Scott: [looking around] Heyo. Where's the other...
- Charles Miner: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
- Michael Scott: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin, and he has no sexual history.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh! Here's one. A string quartet playing classical music.
- Michael Scott: You know, that's good, but that's not classy. I need something classy, like the opening of a car dealership.
- Jim Halpert: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
- Michael Scott: Yes.
- Dwight Schrute: Mr. Peanut is not classy.
- Michael Scott: He is.
- Dwight Schrute: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat.
- Michael Scott: That's what makes him classy.
- Michael Scott: I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better, and I agree. So, what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
- Michael Scott: Surprise!
- [unveiling a table full of bagels]
- Michael Scott: As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's for Charles.
- Charles Miner: Thank you.
- Michael Scott: Took me all night.
- Pam Beesly: This is what you did last night?
- Michael Scott: [on telephone] David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
- David Wallace: What gave you that idea?
- Michael Scott: [pausing] It was my understanding.
- David Wallace: I see.
- Michael Scott: Listen, why don't we just leave the position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.
- Pam Beesly: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the "Ace Ventura" talking-butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
- Jim Halpert: Okay, let's just try this one on for size, and I apologize, 'cause it's right off the top of my head. An ice sculpture of you, completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits.
- Michael Scott: Strawberries?
- Jim Halpert: That's inspired.
- Dwight Schrute: I said that!
- [Dwight storms out]
- Pam Beesly: Not classy.
- Michael Scott: Not classy at all.
- Jim Halpert: Déclassé.
- Michael Scott: French! Classy.