- Tracy Jordan: I don't need a birthday, 'cause I buy myself all the presents I need. And because of my drinking, they're often a surprise.
- Jack Donaghy: This morning it hit me in the shower why the Hendersons named their guest Harry. That film has layers.
- Jack Donaghy: Now let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.
- Frank Rossitano: "My client has no memory of that."
- Jack Donaghy: I also would have accepted 'You can't prove that's the Governor's semen'.
- Jack Donaghy: Lemon, there was once a great American named George Henderson. He met a woodland ape or Sasquatch, and despite its dangerous message of environmentalism, became its friend. When the time came to do the hard thing and send it back into the forest where it belonged, and birds could perch on its shoulder because it was gentle, George Henderson summoned the strength and by God, he did it. Did it hurt? You bet it hurt. Like a bastard. But he did it because it was the right thing to do... for the woodland ape. You think about that.
- Jenna Maroney: My heart goes out to all the inner-city kids. Especially those too fat to dance their way out.
- Sylvia Rossitano: Frankie's father didn't abandon him, he's in hiding in Phoenix. Every Rossitano man is either in hiding or six feet under. You want me to paint you a picture? 'Cause I did!
- [gestures towards a picture on the wall of a lawyer lying in his own blood in a court of law]
- Sylvia Rossitano: It's part of a therapy through painting thing...