- Francis Urquhart: [Looking at a picture of Margaret Thatcher] Nothing lasts for ever. Even the longest, most glittering reign must come to an end some day.
- Francis Urquhart: Beware of an old man in a hurry. Have you heard that phrase, Mattie?
- Mattie Storin: Lord Billsborough. But he's Collingridge's closest advisor. Surely he can't still think he can be party leader, not at his age. Not from the Lords.
- Francis Urquhart: So...
- Mattie Storin: He doesn't want it for himself. He wants to pull the stings. He wants the party leadership for one of his protégés.
- Francis Urquhart: You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment.
- Mattie Storin: Michael Samuels.
- Francis Urquhart: [nodding] You might think that.
- Mattie Storin: Lord Billsborough is setting up Collingridge as an Aunt Sally so that Michael Samuels can take his place when the time comes.
- Mattie Storin: You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment.
- Mattie Storin: Two major leaks in less than a month. Where are they from?
- Francis Urquhart: I don't know, my dear. I'm responsible for the backbenchers, not the Cabinet. Though I dare say I'll be asked to find out.
- Mattie Storin: The leaks are coming out of the Cabinet? And the Prime Minister is ordering an investigation into his own closest colleagues.
- Francis Urquhart: You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment.
- Francis Urquhart: [after dismissing Stoat] What a repulsive little man. Where do they find them these days?
- Tim Stamper: I don't know. If I had a dog like that I'd shoot it.
- Francis Urquhart: Well, yes, quite.
- Francis Urquhart: Well, yes, my wife is very loyal. A politician needs a wife - and other people, too, regrettably. A man of state needs helpers, little elves and sprites to do his bidding. Even unwitting pawns who don't know who they serve.
- Francis Urquhart: Oh, I'm just the Chief Whip, Mattie. My personal feelings are neither here nor there. I look after morale and discipline amongst the back-benchers, keep them up to the mark, listen to their problems, help them out when I can, administer some sharp kicks up the backside when that seems indicated.
- Mattie Storin: Just like a prefect, head of house sort of thing... I'm sorry, that sounds very cheeky.
- Francis Urquhart: Not at all. That's exactly what it's like.
- Mattie Storin: Everyone says you're very good at it.
- Francis Urquhart: I believe I am, Mattie. I believe I am.
- Francis Urquhart: £22,370 in the last ten months, I make it. Here we are.
- [passes a piece of paper to Roger]
- Francis Urquhart: Have a look at the figures. Might be slightly out, but not by more than a tenner or so. Bit steep for a few lunches, wouldn't you say?
- Roger O'Neill: It's all...
- [sneezes twice]
- Francis Urquhart: Cocaine is awfully expensive stuff, isn't it? Is it worth it? They say it makes a good man brilliant. If that's so, you must be a genius.
- Francis Urquhart: I know what we should do: write off the money as a bad debt and toss you overboard.
- Ben Landless: All right! Don't tell me about it! Do something about it! That is exactly what is wrong with this goddamn country. Everyone wants to give you their analysis of what's wrong and why nothing ever goddamn works! Nobody wants to get off their butt and make the goddamn thing work! London! Jesus! I'd rather run a business in the Solomon Islands!
- Mattie Storin: Urquhart's leading the witch-hunt. I do think he has a sort of - I don't know - magnetism about him.
- John Krajewski: Kissinger syndrome. The aphrodisiac effect of power.
- Mattie Storin: I guess that must be it.
- John Krajewski: Not much chance for the likes of me, then. Women don't exactly tremble at the naked, unbridled domination of the deputy editor.
- Mattie Storin: Well, no. You have got a nice face, though.
- [Krajewski sticks his tongue out]
- Francis Urquhart: [to a backbencher] Take yourself off and try not to be such a damned fool. And if you must use whores, for God's sake go to a decent knocking shop where they understand the meaning of discretion.
- Francis Urquhart: That woman said I should be Prime Minister... Glamis, and Cawdor, and King hereafter.
- Francis Urquhart: Nothing lasts forever. Even the longest, the most glittering reign must come to an end someday.
- Francis Urquhart: [aside] A politician needs a wife, and other people too regrettably. Little elves and sprites to do his bidding, even unwitting pawns who don't know who they serve... and of course one needs a sympathetic ear amongst the men and women of the press, those valiant seekers of the truth.
- Francis Urquhart: [Holding a copy of The Chronicle while on phone to PM] No Prime Minister, I haven't seen the papers.
- Francis Urquhart: Interesting girl. Clever.
- Elizabeth Urquhart: Not too clever?
- Francis Urquhart: No. Just clever enough, I'd say.
- Elizabeth Urquhart: She could be just the little friend you need. A political journalist with her way to make, I mean.
- Francis Urquhart: Who could replace her? Plenty of contenders. Old warriors, young pretenders. Lord Billsborough, say - party chairman, too old and too familiar, tainted by a thousand shabby deals. Michael Samuels - too young and too clever. Patrick Woolton - bit of a lout, bit of a bully-boy. Yes, it could well be Woolton. Henry Collingridge - the people's favourite, a well-meaning fool, no background and no bottom. What, me? Oh, no no no. I'm the Chief Whip, merely a functionary. I keep the troops in line. I put a bit of stick about. I make them jump. And I shall, of course, give my absolute loyalty to whoever emerges as my leader.