- Seth Meyers: I'm not sure I'd describe the moderates as the Empire. If you gave Joe Biden a lightsaber, he'd immediately cut his own leg off and make a bunch of dad jokes about it. "How'd I do that? Well, I'm stumped."
- Seth Meyers: [about Donald Trump] I would just like to say, you may not have touched your face, but I would love to touch your face, just to see what the texture is like. Is it like a sponge or an old pancake? When you press on it, does it bounce back like a foam mattress, or does it get stuck in place like silly putty? I guess what I'm asking is, if I rolled your face on a comic strip, would I be able to see Calvin and Hobbes?