White Out (2008)

Eric Lipe: Andy Wolcienski

Quotes 

• Andy Wolcienski : I remember it well. There was the slightest chill of early fall in the September air. I wore a scarf, and it was cute, I looked good. Partially to be trendy and partially because of those new Gap ads they just came out with. You know the ones, black and white. They were like swing dancing and stuff. You know and they were doing all that trendy winter garb.

  Nick Watson : Loved them

  Andy Wolcienski : They were throwing girls between you and me and out the window and stuff.

  Nick Watson : Much better than those Old Navy commercials.

  Andy Wolcienski : Old Navy's ridiculous.

• Andy Wolcienski : But what you may not realize is that mid-terms are the final remnants of the hierarchy that has been in place since the down of time itself. When Norwalk University was founded in 1944 by German settlers under mysterious circumstances, one of the first immovable laws to come down, other than the mandatory showers, was mid-terms. It's a travesty of justice. Essentially meaning that two tests, this and the final exam make up roughly ninety percent of your grade. But you're still required to do all the meaningless work for the class. If God forbid, you can't remember EVERYTHING you learned in the first half of the year, you bomb the mid-term and you find yourself SOL. We need to relinquish ourselves from the control of founders long dead. We need to return to the philosophy of Mayor Tony Wilkins, who was the University's strongest advocate up until 1947 when he died suddenly and was buried in the seemingly inappropriate school cemetery. He said something brilliant once, "Let us not be judged by what we know in an instant, but by the accumulated knowledge of an entire life." I ask that we honor this plea from beyond the grave and seek to abolish midterms starting in this next spring semester. If not to save paper and trees then to save our very souls. Back to Reality.

• Hannah Lorenz : Back to Reality with Nick Watson.

  Nick Watson : Thank you. You know I've been doing this for four years. With only a brief hiatus before this past year to interrupt. And I've discussed with you all manners of silly subjects. From my comments about snipers on the borders to Canada and Mexico...

  Andy Wolcienski : That's an idea I still support, by the way.

  Nick Watson : It's a good idea. To my line of Pope products for the Pope's unfortunately canceled visit to the United States.

  Andy Wolcienski : I still want my "Pope-On-A-Rope!"