Sex Drive (2008)

Clark Duke: Lance

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Ian : [handing Felicia a new t-shirt]  Another one for the collection.

  Felicia : Oh, cool. Thanks.

  [she stares at nothing leaning on the GTO] 

  Ian : What?

  [she points down on the car roof. Lance is on the back seat comforting a sobbing Brandy] 

  Lance : It's okay, Brandy. it's okay, baby, don't cry.

  Ian : Lance, what are you doing?

  Lance : Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, because I'm just trying to show another human being a little compassion.

  [pause] 

  Lance : And my dick.

• [Ezechiel comes out from the barn where the GTO is on repair] 

  Ezekiel : Uh-oh. See that creamy stuff? You blew your head gasket. That's not good.

  Ian : Shit.

  Ezekiel : Dont' cry. We can fix it.

  Ian : Really?

  Ezekiel : Yeah, really. We're good at it.

  Ian : Yeah?

  Ezekiel : Yeah, I didn't mean to undersell it, but it's an impressive thing. Yeah, we'll fix it.

  Ian : Wow, that'd be cool.

  Ezekiel : Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? I might be the coolest guy you ever met.

  Ian : Wow.

  Ezekiel : Wow.

  Ian : Thank you.

  Ezekiel : Yeah, you're welcome. That's what you say when people do nice things for you. You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door if you guys want to hang there while we work on it. Take it easy while we do all this - for you.

  [he turns to the barn] 

  Ian : Does he have an attitude?

  Lance : No, he's fucking with you.

• Thug Prisoner : Hey! Hey ladies.

  Lance : Hey how about you sit the fuck back down before me and you have a problem.

  Thug Prisoner : How about you just, uh... chill out man. Be cool.

  Lance : Alright we good?

  Thug Prisoner : Yea, we're good.

• Brandy : You ever had a peppermint fatty?

  Lance : No. Let's have that. See how that shoe fits.

  [Brandy pops peppermint in her mouth, begins sucking his penis] 

  Lance : That is curiously strong. I feel like my dick's been bar mitzvahed.

• Lance : I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. I mean, seriously, what are the odds?

• Lance : Dude, what the fuck?

  Ian : I don't want her along.

  Lance : Oh, really? You don't want to bring Yoko on your sex trip? Yeah, no shit. She's always cock-blocking you.

  Ian : No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a...

  Lance : Okay, twat blocking. Professor.

• Ian : [pointing to the redneck]  You, Cornfed! You can punch my friend here, but just once.

  Lance : Wait what? Come on man!

  Ian : Dude, you slept with his girlfriend!

  Lance : But...

  Ian : AND he drove all this way.

  Lance : ...All right.

• Felicia : Oh dude, don't even bother. Your game is not going to work on that girl.

  Lance : What do you know about girls? I've never even seen you with a girl.

• Lance : I refuse to be embarrassed by a car that looks like a Trapper Keeper.

• Lance : Hey, Ian, Felicia. This is my boy Ezekiel.

  Ezekiel : What up, English?

• Lance : Just relax, man. I got a good feeling about this, you know. We're gonna party with the Amish!

  Felicia : Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be one kick-ass quilting bee.

  [They see Fall Out Boy downloading amps and instruments] 

  Peter Wentz : What's up, man?

  Ian : Hey.

  Felicia : [astonished]  No effing way!

• Ian : Is there a cock and ball on the front of me again?

  Lance : Like a little tree trunk.

• Ian : There's no service out here. I can't even tell her I'll be late.

  Lance : Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting. You don't want to come off as desperate.

  Ian : I'm driving nine hours. How am I not coming off desperate?

  Lance : We had shit to do?

• Lance : It's like knives!