- When Kelly-- a headstrong recent save-- continues to probe the firehouse for men, Tommy steps in to put a halt on her advances on Damian. Lou approaches Needles to act as a buffer to Tommy for the upcoming nuptials.
- Sean hangs out on a scene, not in gear. Following last week's unfortunatel self-tanner-as-lube incident, the orange jokes are relentless. He's there handing out Vitamin Water as he convalesces. Noting the number of men biting it on the iced-over entry to the fire they're fighting, Feinberg orders "Ginger D---" to get a bag of ice.
Tommy takes issue with Mike's goatee but he claims it's part of his rock star vibe. He says Kelly (Maura Tierney), the hot chick from the fire that he went out with, is going to hook his band up with a recording guy.
But Tommy and Lou are more interested in whether or not he's sealed the deal. Mike explains that he was close to it, but then he started to sing. She got pissed, after a couple of verses. By the time he got to the chorus, she was half-dressed and to the door. He got the A & R deal by refusing to stop singing until she set it up.
Lou makes him a deal: he can keep the goatee until the meeting, but then if they don't get signed he has to shave off everything, including below-the-waist hair.
Mike says if they get the deal, Tommy and Lou have to do the same thing. They shake immediately.
Needles interrupts Franco on the heavy bag. He's canceling Franco's next fight, but he has a counter-proposal: fighting a woman. Franco's so pent up, he listens. Needles tells him he's surprised, he thought Franco would object. But Franco says he recently learned something about himself: he's not that smart.
Kelly finds Damian outside the firehouse. She came looking for him. Damian tries to talk his way out of the cougar thing, but she puts it to him: "What's it going to be shortcake, you in or out?"
He thinks about it and says he's in. She makes him a deal: he has to promise to never, ever sing for her.
Needles catches Tommy staring at himself in the mirror next to a picture of Ron Howard. He suggests a resemblance more to David Caruso. Tommy smells a request coming. Needles mumbles his way through telling Tommy that Lou asked him to be his best man.
Tommy finds Lou in the kitchen. Lou heads him off with Caruso "CSI: Miami" talk. Then tells him Tommy's no kind of friend because not only can he not be his best man, he can't come to the wedding.
Lou says he already knows the truth about his bride-to-be, that she's a "whore." But how does that make her any different from Tommy, going after Sheila, his dead cousin's wife? Lou elaborates and none of it makes Tommy sound good. He says Candy stole to pay the rent, Tommy just slept with his cousin's wife because he wanted to.
Then Lou lunges at him and they manage to tear up the kitchen, throwing each other around. Finally, when they've made it into the tv area next door Franco and Sean come to break it up. "What the hell took you guys so long?" Lou asks. Tommy agrees, they could have killed each other. Tommy checks that Lou's OK and vice versa. Needles comes in. They say the fight's about Oreos. Lou runs off Franco and Sean but tells Needles that Tommy's coming to his wedding as best man, but Needles will be serving as the pinch hitter. They both agree.
Tommy asks if they're good, and Lou references his roiling, simmering anger towards Tommy. As Lou walks away he says he really can't blame Tommy for the Sheila thing, she's one gorgeous woman.
Kelly waits for Damian on her date, but Tommy shows up instead. She lists off the reasons it's not happening: she doesn't date married guys, he's way too old for her and the previously mentioned resemblance to Ron Howard.
Tommy says Damian's a baby. She knows, it means he'll do whatever she tells him in bed and be ready to do it again in 30 minutes. She calls Tommy a lying, cheating, alcoholic -- Mike talked before he started singing.
Tommy wants to know what was in the box she ran in the fire for. Photo albums and her weed. He doesn't smoke, it makes him delusional (and makes Willie Nelson think he can act, he notes).
Kelly changes her mind about Tommy when the check comes. She orders them a bottle of their best tequila. Then she's comparing Tommy to David Bowie, whom she finds hot. She lays out what she thinks will happen for the rest of the evening, including shots and making out in the back of a cab. The tequila comes.
Cut to Sheila staring Tommy down in her kitchen as he dances, saying it wasn't a date. Damian told her Kelly was about her age and is a little bit crazy. She's jealous. Then Sheila wonders if Damian's attracted to her because he was attracted to Kelly, who's like her. Then Sheila's accusing Tommy of marrying his mother, by way of him comparing Cloris Leachman to his mom.
Then Sheila's taking a trip down memory lane, remembering in 1986 when Tommy had his chance with her when she wasn't with Jimmy and he and Janet were broken up. He remembers, including how she stopped them from making love on the beach by saying he had to be home.
She confesses that wasn't true, Tommy just scared the crap out of her. Earlier that night he punched a guy out for staring at her butt. She says Jimmy would have stood up for her, but without the drama.
Tommy was too much trouble, too much like her. She married Jimmy because he wasn't like her. He was really sweet, right up until the time he cheated on her.
Tommy's stunned. She tells him it was a year before Jimmy died. She found out about it. They hadn't touched in 14 months.
She suggests she and Tommy can keep the craziness at bay by just having a good time. She calls them each other's Plan B.
Tommy goes to fix her leaky sink, but finds dead Jimmy in the kitchen. He says he knew about the beach. He says he was bored with his life, and bored himself when he was on the wagon. Tommy asks if he knew the woman he cheated with, but Jimmy's gone.
The drunken Gavins and Derek shout and drink in the bar. Lou waits at the bar in a tux next to a three-tiered yellow wedding cake. Candy's getting ready in the back. Lou asks Tommy to get them out, but he promises they'll be hugging and crying in three minutes. He kills the music and tells them if they want to stay they have to pay their tabs. He thinks it'll make them leave, but they pony up.
Needles tells Tommy the man there to perform the ceremony is also a notary public. Turns out Candy's uncle left her $250,000 and they're signing a pre-nup. Candy comes out in her simple wedding frock and says the pre-nup is proof that Ken (Lou) loves her.
She told him about the money a day ago. Tommy says it was like a test, and she says Ken passed with flying colors.
They go stand before the officiant. Tommy makes Needles hold the rings.
After, outside the bar, the guys surprise them by throwing rice. Sean also presents a weekend loaner car. Lou helps Candy in the car then turns and ask the gathered crowd if he's making a mistake. There are murmured "no's." He gets in and drives off.
Cousin Mickey turns to the group and says he'll take 10 to 1 it doesn't last a year. Ellie gives them til the end of the block. Teddy tells Damian about doing the same send off for his folks, except in a bus to Atlantic City. Teddy waxes rhapsodic about how in love with each other Jimmy and Sheila were as Tommy listens. When everyone goes inside Tommy's left alone on the street. Jimmy walks up and shakes his head. Then he's gone and Tommy goes in the bar.
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