Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy

Quotes 

• Jennie Malloy : Happy birthday, honey!

  Tiffany Malloy : [in black widow mourning outfit]  Mother, what is to celebrate, huh? I am twenty. Twenty! It ends in 'ty' not 'teen.' From here on in, it is just twenty, thirty, forty, obesity, senility, Dan Haggerty...

  [voice breaks] 

  Ryan Malloy : C'mon, Sis, turning twenty is cool, you can vote now.

  Tiffany Malloy : Uh, Ryan, I've been able to vote for two years now.

  Ryan Malloy : Girls can vote? Oh, boy, what's happening to America?

  [flees off up the stairs] 

• Ryan Malloy : [upon entering and seeing Tiffany's chic new room furnishings]  Holy Hepburn!

  Tiffany Malloy : Now this is more age-appropriate, don't you think? I have my fainting couch,

  [pretending to swoon backwards onto the lounge] 

  Tiffany Malloy : my etchings, and of course, my picture of Matt Damon, like all little old ladies have by their bed.

  Ryan Malloy : You've thrown all your stuff away, haven't you? Yet I didn't throw my blanket out after I had smallpox. Either time.

  Tiffany Malloy : You know, Ryan, you are so lucky to be a guy. Girls have to mature and throw away their toys, but guys are so immature that they never have to change a thing. Their wardrobe is the same two pair of pants and pile of old T-shirts they'll be throwing on the floor till they're fifty. An old guy is just a young guy that sags.

  Ryan Malloy : So, what you're saying is, girls are stupid, huh?

  Tiffany Malloy : [pointedly:]  No, Ryan. I'm saying that girls grow up. Girls change during their lives and boys never do.

  Ryan Malloy : Oh, that's stupid. Changing is stupid, ergo, girls are stupid.

  Jack Malloy : [entering, hunched over, staggering under the weight of a large piece of European-looking furniture carried on his back]  Where do you want this dresser?

  Tiffany Malloy : It's a credenza, Daddy.

  Jack Malloy : [stoically]  Where do you want this credenza?

  Tiffany Malloy : Let's try it over there.

  [Jack suffers laboriously to comply] 

  Tiffany Malloy : No, you know, let's try it over here.

  Jack Malloy : [out of breath]  What do you say we just leave it here and move the house?

  Tiffany Malloy : What do you say you try being funny with the credenza over there, hey, Daddy?