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Quotes
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Special Agent Timothy McGee : So, pirates that weren't really pirates, who were actually Russian sailors, were on a covert mission to steal a Navy research ship that wasn't actually a Navy research ship in order to get back nuclear weapons that we thought they didn't think we had retrieved?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Uh-huh.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Okay.
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Special Agent Timothy McGee : [last lines; as the team speeds away from the Chimera in the pirates' motor launch, a cruise missile streaks overhead and destroys the ship] Guess the Navy didn't want anyone to know the ship existed.
Officer Ziva David : How did they know we got off the ship?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : I don't think they did.
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[in the abandoned mess hall, the team sees the left-behind "meals" being eaten by the crew]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Well, whatever it is must be pretty scary if it got them to ditch this delicious looking... what is this?
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Don't ask me.
[Tony starts to say something]
Special Agent Timothy McGee : That's not a request, it's a *command*!
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [as McGee stumbles while taking photos] Steady, Probie.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Tell that to my stomach.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [leans down] Steady, Probie's stomach.
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Special Agent Timothy McGee : You know, the last time you were dying of a horrible disease, you were a little more stoic about the whole thing.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I was younger then... carefree.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : It was two years ago.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Last time I almost died someone blew up my car! So that's twice I've almost died, and this is the *third* time! And bad stuff happens in threes! And I'm out of almosts! I'm telling you, man! This time I'm *dying*! I *know* it!
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Ok, but until you are actually dead, will you please help me fix this thing?
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Abby Sciuto : You guys okay?
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm dealing with my boat phobia. Tony's dealing with his rat phobia. And Ziva's dealing with her ghost phobia.
Abby Sciuto : So what's Gibbs dealing with?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : [Gibbs enters] Them!
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Officer Ziva David : Someone or something is on the ship, with us. I can feel it.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : [peering over DiNozzo's shoulder] Uh, yeah, I can see it.
[a large rat is eye-level behind DiNozzo. He turns around, sees the live rat, and jumps back in fright. The rat scurries away. DiNozzo exhales]
Special Agent Timothy McGee : [smiling] Scared much, DiNozzo?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Stuff it, Mc-Barf-bag.
Officer Ziva David : It's just a cute, little rat. Why the irrational fear?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : It's not cute. It's not little. And it's not irrational.
Officer Ziva David : Cowardly, then.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Not if you're, uh, someone who survived a bout of bubonic plague, thank you very much! Rats are a known carrier. I used to love rats, back before the plague. Was a regular Willard.
Officer Ziva David : What is a "Willard?"
Special Agent Timothy McGee : It's a movie.
Officer Ziva David : Mm.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Willard had a pet rat named Ben, was a social misfit, made fun of by his coworkers, had a creepy boss.
Officer Ziva David : No wonder you're related.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : You think Gibbs is creepy?
Special Agent Timothy McGee : She meant the social-misfit-made-fun-of part.
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Officer Ziva David : Shh! Did you hear that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo , Special Agent Timothy McGee : No.
Officer Ziva David : There's something aboard... other than a rat.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : What do your astute, ninja Mossad senses tell you it is?
Officer Ziva David : In the Mossad, part of the training is to be open to things you cannot see, or even understand.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : You mean the supernatural.
Officer Ziva David : Call it what you want, not everything can be explained by the laws of the natural world.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : You believe in ghosts?
Officer Ziva David : I do not *not* believe in ghosts... or demons... or monsters. We *are* on a ship called the "Chimera."
Special Agent Timothy McGee : I thought "chimera" meant a delusion or fantasy.
Officer Ziva David : In Greek mythology, a chimera is a monster with a lion's head, a goat's body, and a dragon's tail.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : So you think they named this ship the "Chimera" because there's a monster on board.
Officer Ziva David : [dead serious] They-did-not-name-it-the-"Puppy!"
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NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee : What the hell is that noise?
Abby Sciuto : Brain Matter.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee : [pause] I love them.
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NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Looks like someone tossed a lot of creamed corn to make room for him.
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee : Don't say that again, please.
NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Tossed?
NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee : No. Creamed corn.
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Special Agent Timothy McGee : [about cracking a high tech lock] It could take some time.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : We're not going anywhere.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Ok.
[Gibbs, Ziva, and Tony walk away]
Special Agent Timothy McGee : I thought you said you weren't going anywhere.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Feel my head.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Why?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Just feel it.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : I don't want to. It's all sweaty.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Exactly. I got the frickin' fever. I'm burning up, man.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : The ventilation's off, Tony. We're all burning up.
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Special Agent Timothy McGee : [looking through a bag] Transponders?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : From what?
Special Agent Timothy McGee : My guess, E-PIRBs.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : That's my guess, too.
[pause]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : What are E-PIRBs again?
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Timothy McGee : You read my mind Boss.
Anthony DiNozzo : It's a quick read.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [staring at his forearm] Anyone else feeling itchy? Maybe that's a bug bite.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Or a rat bite.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : No, no, no. Look at that spot.
Officer Ziva David : It's a freckle.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : It's not a freckle.
Officer Ziva David : Freckle.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Never had a freckle there.
Officer Ziva David : You've always had that freckle.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Uh, how would you know whether I had a freckle or didn't have a freckle? And by the way, I have never had that freckle!
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Special Agent Timothy McGee : AAAGH!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [to Ziva] Five minutes, you owe me ten bucks.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Where's McGee?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Calling Earl, shouting groceries, making street pizza, technicolor yawn...
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Found something.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Lost something too.