Ted Lasso (TV Series)

Trent Crimm: The Independent (2020)

Juno Temple: Keeley Jones

Photos 

Quotes 

• Keeley Jones : When this shit hits, Jamie is going to go mental. There's going to be photographers all over us.

  Ted Lasso : Right, right.

  Keeley Jones : The next picture of me will not be this perfect. I am gonna be mid-sneeze face, like...

  [mimes sneezing] 

  Keeley Jones : Guess what the headline will be.

  Ted Lasso : Gesundheit?

  Keeley Jones : "Jamie's Tart Breaks Tartt's Heart."

  Ted Lasso : Did you just come up with that?

  Keeley Jones : Yeah.

  Ted Lasso : Everyone would read that.

  Keeley Jones : Of course they would! I mean, you have no idea the power of rhyming in this goddamn country.

  Ted Lasso : Yeah.

  Keeley Jones : Ooh! "Lasso Makes Passo and Creates Team Fiasco."

  Ted Lasso : Whoa, Keeley's got bars!

  Keeley Jones : Yeah, I'm cute as a button and I can rhyme my ass off. God, it's no wonder they want to destroy me!

• Ted Lasso : This woman right here is strong, confident and powerful.

  [Rebecca flexes her muscles] 

  Ted Lasso : Boss, I tell ya, I'd hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off it either.

  Rebecca Welton : Oh. That's not a compliment I've had before.

  Keeley Jones : Yeah, you do have perfect action figure-y arms.

  Rebecca Welton : There's another one.

• Keeley Jones : [Roy exits the clubhouse shirtless. Keeley wolf whistles]  You look like you've forgotten something.

  Roy Kent : Hi, Keeley. I'm looking for your prick boyfriend. You know how to pick 'em, don't ya?

  Keeley Jones : Um, didn't your last girlfriend, like, steal your Rolex and sell it for drug money?

  Roy Kent : So? I don't need a phone and a watch. Look, I didn't sign up to be your boyfriend's minder, okay? But the new gaffer's trying to make me feel responsible for fucking Nate, whose last name I don't even know.

  Keeley Jones : It's Barnes.

  Roy Kent : No. It's Shelley.

  Keeley Jones : Yeah, I know.

  Roy Kent : I don't like being tricked.

• Roy Kent : I don't like being tricked. Not by you and not by

  [doing a terrible Ted Lasso impression] 

  Roy Kent : "Howdy y'all, cowboys. My name is Ted Lasso and I'm from Kansas." Pow-pow-pow-pow.

  [doing finger guns in the air] 

  Keeley Jones : Wow, you're like really, really bad at impressions, man.

  Roy Kent : I know he's trying to push my buttons, but I. Cannot. Be. Manipulated.

  Keeley Jones : Come on. I could push all of your buttons right now if I wanted to.

  Roy Kent : No, you couldn't actually, Keeley...

  Keeley Jones : [cross-talk over him]  I think actually I could...

  Roy Kent : You couldn't, Keeley...

  Keeley Jones : [over him]  I'm sorry, what was that...?

  Roy Kent : No, Keeley...

  Keeley Jones : [interrupting]  I can't seem to hear you...

  Roy Kent : You are, Keeley, if you would listen to me...

  Keeley Jones : [over him]  I'm trying to listen to you...

  Roy Kent : ...just listen, I could tell you why...

  Keeley Jones : [over him]  So tell me.

  [he stops] 

  Keeley Jones : Is that making you mad?

  Roy Kent : [restrained fury, whispers]  No.

  Keeley Jones : [whispers]  No.

  [she starts to go then turns back doing a spot-on imitation] 

  Keeley Jones : "I'm Roy Kent and I get paid to play a game, but I'm mad all the time. Grrr."

  [she giggles and leaves] 

  Roy Kent : That's actually pretty good.

• Keeley Jones : This was gonna be the front page of The Sun today.

  [Shows Ted the photo] 

  Keeley Jones : "Manager Shags Star Player's Girlfriend."

  Ted Lasso : I think a more accurate headline would be, "Manager Innocently Feeds Young Woman Whose Relationship Does Not Define Her."