Stephanie Hodge: Jennie Malloy

Quotes 

• Jennie Malloy : Ah, it's so nice having the whole family together. Ross is doing his homework, Tiffany is doing her nails, and Ryan is God-knows-where. Well, we know he'll be back in at least two months, he didn't take a change of underwear or his toothbrush.

  Jack Malloy : How anyone can go for more than a month I do not know.

  Jennie Malloy : Yeah.

  [as Jack reaches for TV remote control] 

  voice of woman on TV : Finally, on the lighter side of the news...

  [Jack and Jennie chuckles] 

  voice of woman on TV : a local boy was hit by lightning today in Pasadena.

  [whole family amused] 

  voice of woman on TV : The tragedy was made all the more amusing by the fact that the boy took refuge from the storm inside a metal garbage can.

  Jack Malloy : [in stitches, Jennie too]  What an idiot! You know, some people should really have their tubes tied!

  Ryan Malloy : [entering, disheveled, with torn, smoking clothes]  Hey guys! See me on TV? I got struck by lightning!

  Jennie Malloy : [amidst cloud of smoke rising from him]  Oh my God! Oh my baby! My first-born! Don't you worry, Mommy will take care of it!

  [frowning:] 

  Jennie Malloy : By the way, wipe your feet the next time, you're getting dead skin all over the carpet!

• Ryan Malloy : [appearing at the landing, overlooking dinner table, with an attempt at authority in his voice, in tacky lightning-emblazoned outfit, underpants as outerwear]  Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Malloy. I;m Lightning Boy.

  Jennie Malloy : [humoring her son, waving]  Hello, Lightning Boy.

  Ryan Malloy : [coming down]  Ryan can't make it to dinner. He's upstairs, studying. But I would love to join you in eating some of these wonderful food.

  Jack Malloy : [disgruntled]  Oh boy.

  Ryan Malloy : [to Tiffany]  Psst! It's me!

  [she hides her face in dismay] 

  Ryan Malloy : You have a wonderful home, Mrs. Malloy.

  Jennie Malloy : Thank you, Lightning Boy... it's nice of you to notice. Jack, would you like to say anything here?

  Jack Malloy : [chomping food, heartily disgusted]  No.

  Jennie Malloy : Maybe it would be better if we could speak to Ryan.

  Ryan Malloy : Sure. I'll go get him.

  [flurrying upstairs with a hop, skip and a jump, long cape streaming] 

• Jennie Malloy : Jack, what do you think?

  Jack Malloy : I think he'll be eighteen soon and then it's the state's problem.

  Ryan Malloy : [heard upstairs]  Hey, Lightning Boy, my parents wanna see you again.

  [changing voice, assuming alter-ego identity:] 

  Ryan Malloy : Thanks, Ryan, you're a special person. By the way, no one else must come upstairs and see me. Only you.

  [normal voice:] 

  Ryan Malloy : Okay.

  Tiffany Malloy : [to her parents looking at her desperately]  You can look at me all you want, I will not reveal his true identity

• Jack Malloy : Oh, hey, Lightning Boy, how are your superpowers?

  Ryan Malloy : [just learned from roof experiment that he cannot fly]  Aw shut up.

  [dejected, sits down on couch] 

  Ryan Malloy : You know. I'm beginning to think nothing good is gonna come from me being hit by lightning.

  Jennie Malloy : [referring to his ridiculous costume]  Oh, that's because you're chafing. Next time buy the tights with the breathable crotch.

  Ryan Malloy : [wryly]  Thanks. At least I thought I looked good.

• Jennie Malloy : You know, Jack, I feel that for once we were actually good parents with Ryan.

  Jack Malloy : Yeah. Say, where is he anyway?

  Jennie Malloy : Nah, how should I know?

  voice of woman on TV : [Jack aims remote control, TV news:]  On the lighter side of the news, a giant meteor is about to hit a little town outside Tucson.

  [whole family amused] 

  voice of woman on TV : This tragedy is made all the more amusing by the fact that a young man in tights is standing on the site experts predict will be the point the meteor will hit.

  Ryan Malloy : [Lightning Boy costume]  For what little confidence I have for saving my brother Ross, I shall now save the world.

  [assuming stance] 

  Ryan Malloy : Okay, keep your eye on the meteor, bend at the knees... You know what? I have so much confidence, I don't even need Lightning Boy. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I shall now reveal my secret identity.

  [family at home fidgets, he discards mask] 

  Ryan Malloy : I am Ryan Malloy, son of Jack and Jennie Malloy.

  [family at home covers their faces in shame]