Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)
The Descent of Man (1995)
Joyce Van Patten: Maureen Slattery
Photos
Quotes
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Tiffany Malloy : If I needed to lose weight I'd just go on a Grandma-diet.
[grandmother is lying face-down at dinner table]
Tiffany Malloy : Just be unconscious during meals.
Maureen Slattery : [coming to] You could never be too high or too thin.
[slumps down again]
Tiffany Malloy : [not paying any attention to grandmother] Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm helping Amber with her task.
[on cellphone]
Tiffany Malloy : Uhm... A blue plus at the bottom means your guidance counselor didn't really have a vasectomy.
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Jennie Malloy : And now it's up to my little girl to carry the torch of emasculation. What are you gonna make your man do, honey?
Tiffany Malloy : Oh, everything. And I'm not gonna let love get in the way. I am a fine bottle of wine. Only he who can afford me, gets to sniff the cork.
Maureen Slattery : [drunkenly] Yes, sweetheart. But once the bottle is open, everyone at the table gets a taste. At least at the parties where I was hostess.
Jennie Malloy : [suddenly concerned, softer tone] But you know, honey, I'm afraid that maybe we've given you the wrong impression. Now, once you are physically and emotionally ready, sex can be a beautiful experience. There's really nothing else in the world like it.
[gloomily:]
Jennie Malloy : I hear.
Tiffany Malloy : I don't know, I think I prefer the velvety touch of pearls around my neck. The snug fit of a 4 ct. diamond ring around my finger.
[sits back on the arm rest of the chair, lifting up a long, smooth, bare leg which she rubs fondly]
Tiffany Malloy : Smooth touch of silk stockings caressing my legs. The contours of the leather seats of my Rolls-Royce firm against my taut young bottom. My hand resting on my bulging investment portfolio.
[getting very excited:]
Tiffany Malloy : Oh, stocks, diamonds and pork bellies, oh my...
[makes pleasurable sounds]
Tiffany Malloy : I think I'm gonna take a bath now...!
[runs off, smoothing her hot pink mini-dress behind her]
Jennie Malloy : Now that girl has her head on straight.
Maureen Slattery : That little witch may be on to something.