- Everette Tillman: Let's talk about who you trust.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: I trust people to be themselves. Based on their incentives and what they've rationalized.
- Everette Tillman: So, uh, tell me about, uh, Princeton. Did you accept their invitation to speak?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: No. No. I told them to give me an honorary degree or kiss my ass.
- Everette Tillman: Mm. And what'd they say?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: They said yes to the degree, not my ass.
- Everette Tillman: That's a hell of a negotiation.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah. Yeah, not-not really. I mean, it's-it's a pretend degree. I can't start a medical practice with it. In the end, I'm making more money than if I had stayed, so... .
- Everette Tillman: You proud of that?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah. Fuck that school.
- Everette Tillman: Sounds like you resent them.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: They're only after me now because of two reasons. One, because being Black is valuable, and two, donations.
- Everette Tillman: Mm, right. You know, you've-you've alluded to it, but what exactly happened to you at Princeton?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Me and this girl named Sasha We were new RAs in the same building, right? And we got close really fast, and I felt like I could be honest with her, right? You know, we're new friends, but good friends. Anyway, I get this job interview, and I'm really excited about it, you know. I call my parents, I get a little money from them, and I scrounge up a little money. I buy a suit, 'cause I need to look presentable. I go buy the suit, then I go to the computer lab.
- Everette Tillman: What did you get? What kind of suit?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Navy blue slacks and blazer with leather loafers.
- Everette Tillman: Okay, so you were stylin'.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: I was stylin'. It was, like, super nice. I looked good, right? So, I'm at the computer lab, and my crush comes in. And she asked me if I want to go to this party in Philly with her. She wants me to go, and I'm like, Cool. Sasha is a couple of stalls down. She hears this and offers to take my suit, stash it in her room, and I can just go straight from there. I'm like, Cool. Thank you. You know? I go to the party, I come back, I text her to get the suit. No response. I text her again. No response. I text her a third time. Same thing.
- Everette Tillman: Did something happen?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: I don't think so. It was like she was ducking me.
- Everette Tillman: So, it's hours before the interview...
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Right. And I'm freaking out. So I'm texting her again. I'm like, Hey, where's the suit? I really need the suit. And she just writes back Sorry. Not around.
- Everette Tillman: Hmm. So what did you do?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Man, I went downstairs, I knocked on her door. No one picked up. You know, so I went in there with my master key, and I got my suit, and I left. Big mistake. She was, like, furious. Like She told the dean, and it became, like, a real thing. He's coming back, saying like, Oh, this is a suspension. And then it turns into expulsion.
- Everette Tillman: So I'm guessing Sasha wasn't Black. No.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Of course not.
- Darius: I can't tell if this is extreme, extreme pettiness... Or terrorism. Great Job.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: It can be both!
- Everette Tillman: Earn, I know it can be hard to disconnect, but we can't have productive sessions with your cellphone on, Earn.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: It's important. I can't pay for this if I don't do this.
- Everette Tillman: You seem frustrated.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: I am. I'm having heart troubles, and my doctor is telling me I need to get my head checked.
- Everette Tillman: That sounds serious. I hope I can help, but to do so, we can't have distractions. So, what did your doctor say?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: I have a tightness in my chest and a pain, numbness going down my left arm. They say I'm healthy. They think I'm lying.
- Everette Tillman: Do you have reason to think they don't believe you?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: If they did it to Kim Porter, they'll do it to me. I had to get a second opinion. They got me walking around like Alita: Battle Angel all weekend.
- Everette Tillman: Whoa! EKG machine.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah.
- Everette Tillman: What's their guess?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Depression, panic attacks, anxiety. You know, a smattering.
- Everette Tillman: Hmm. Well, I mean, panic and anxiety can manifest in many forms. You should listen to your body. It's smarter than you think. Yeah, but anxiety about what?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: You know, my life is good. It's not a flex, like, work is really good. I'm making more money than I've ever made. You know, the agency keeps giving me more clients. I mean, it's great.
- Everette Tillman: Good. How are things at home?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Good. Fine. Uh, I'm redecorating the condo, so... Which honestly doesn't make much sense if I'm moving out of state.
- Everette Tillman: Wow. That's a really big decision. What what changed?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Uh I got a job offer in L.A. Creative consulting. Mm. Yeah, it's, um It's a big deal, I guess. I... I haven't told Van yet.
- Everette Tillman: Are you worried about the distance between you and Lottie if you take this job and Van doesn't want to go?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah. Yeah. If I'm being honest, I think Lottie needs me more now than ever, you know?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: They started using rapist language for what I did.
- Everette Tillman: Rapist language?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: "Intruder," "personal assault," "attack on privacy." Like, I was scared. You know, I apologized, but it was like no one was listening. It's like no one cared.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: They started using rapist language for what I did.
- Everette Tillman: Rapist language?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: "Intruder," "personal assault," "attack on privacy." Like, I was scared. You know, I apologized, but it was like no one was listening. It's like no one cared.
- Everette Tillman: What do you think their perception was?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: That this big black gorilla came into this white girl's room and just destroyed shit. I don't know. Uh, you know, as an RA, they make you feel like you have some sort of agency. But then you turn around, and then, all of a sudden, you're O.J. It's, like, why give me the master key if you didn't trust me to use it?
- Everette Tillman: How'd that make you feel?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Angry. Everybody on campus is talking about me. I'm, like, one of 12 Black kids. You know, I already felt alone.
- Everette Tillman: What else did you feel? You trusted Sasha.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah.
- Everette Tillman: And you were hurt by someone you trusted.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah.
- Everette Tillman: Like the family member who abused you.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah.
- Everette Tillman: Which made you feel powerless again. It's cool. You should release this.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: No. I'm good. I'm good.
- Everette Tillman: Hey...
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: No, I'm-I'm good.
- Everette Tillman: So what happened between you two?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: We never talked again. You know, I had to leave. I just promised I'd just prove everybody wrong.
- Everette Tillman: Did you prove everyone wrong?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah. I love spite. It's a pure, powerful thing.
- Everette Tillman: Hmm.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: It gave me courage. You know, I can count on it. I used it when I came back to Atlanta, you know?
- Everette Tillman: Spite can be... Spite can be very powerful. But it can also leave you depressed and empty. Goals stop becoming yours. You start becoming a a book written by somebody else. Someone with no incentive for your well-being. So by not going back to Princeton, you may be proving something to her and not yourself.
- Everette Tillman: Spite can be... Spite can be very powerful. But it can also leave you depressed and empty. Goals stop becoming yours. You start becoming a a book written by somebody else. Someone with no incentive for your well-being. So by not going back to Princeton, you may be proving something to her and not yourself.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Honestly, the whole time I was thinking about what you said on spite. Going back to Princeton That wasn't important to me. Facing my past That really was, you know? I was mad about the time that got wasted. You know, I-I wanted to spend that time with Van and Lottie. You know, I wanted to talk to Van about the move. I really wanted to connect with them.
- Everette Tillman: See, it sounds like you're recognizing the big picture.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah, the anxiousness and anger You're not gonna achieve your goals with those, you know?
- Everette Tillman: That's really good, Earn.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah, um You know, it's good to hear you say that, 'cause I've been thinking a lot, and I-I kind of want to take some time out from therapy. Just a little, you know, 'cause you've given me s-so many good tools, I-I kind of want to deal with my issues on my own, you know?
- Everette Tillman: Sure. Yeah, I mean, I'd love to keep working with you, but I-I understand. And, like, hey, if-if you need anything, you know I'm here.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Thanks.
- Everette Tillman: You know, I'm impressed, 'cause most people, they end this over a phone call or email or...
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Oh, I'm not that cold-blooded. Um, you can have this back, man.
- Everette Tillman: Oh, no, no, no, no. Keep it.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Are you sure ?
- Everette Tillman: I'm positive. It's too small for me.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Don't be shitting on my height, man.
- Everette Tillman: Take care, Earn.
- [Earn was asked by the Therapist about whether he will accept the speaking invitation from Princeton University]
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: They're only after me now because of two reasons. One, because being Black is valuable, and two, donations.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Honestly, the whole time I was thinking about what you said on spite. Going back to Princeton That wasn't important to me. Facing my past That really was, you know? I was mad about the time that got wasted. You know, I-I wanted to spend that time with Van and Lottie. You know, I wanted to talk to Van about the move. I really wanted to connect with them.
- Everette Tillman: See, it sounds like you're recognizing the big picture.
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: Yeah, the anxiousness and anger You're not gonna achieve your goals with those, you know?
- Everette Tillman: That's really good, Earn.
- Everette Tillman: Well, I mean, panic and anxiety can manifest in many forms. You should listen to your body. It's smarter than you think. Yeah, but anxiety about what?
- Everette Tillman: What do you think their perception was?
- Earnest 'Earn' Marks: That this big black gorilla came into this white girl's room and just destroyed shit. I don't know. Uh, you know, as an RA, they make you feel like you have some sort of agency. But then you turn around, and then, all of a sudden, you're O.J. It's, like, why give me the master key if you didn't trust me to use it?