The Thick of It (TV Series)

Spinners and Losers (2007)

Lucinda Raikes: Angela Heaney

Quotes 

• Adam Kenyon : [talking about Tom Davies losing supporters after the antidepressants incident]  Right, how many has he lost?

  Angela Heaney : At least half a dozen.

  Adam Kenyon : That's alright, though, isn't it? Still in the hundreds, way above the 44. What does Macaulay Culkin think gonna happen next?

  Angela Heaney : He doesn't know.

  Adam Kenyon : Offcourse he doesn't fucking know! He's about as connected as a kibbutz. Right, come one then, chop chop.

  Angela Heaney : What am I doing?

  Adam Kenyon : I don't know! Just get on with it!

• Oliver Reeder : [on the phone]  Listen, Angela, how far have you got with the Ben Swain thing?

  Angela Heaney : Why?

  Oliver Reeder : Well, however far you've got with it, basically, that is too far.

  Angela Heaney : It's not happening.

  Oliver Reeder : I'm reverse-floating it now. I'm sucking it back in the pipe.

  Adam Kenyon : [Adam joins in the conversation on his phone]  Hello.

  Oliver Reeder : Yeah, Adam, hi. Listen, I'm really sorry about this Ben Swain thing.

  Adam Kenyon : Yeah, you know, these thing happen, don't they?

  Oliver Reeder : They do happen.

  Adam Kenyon : Do you know what I'm gonna change page 4 and 5 to now? It's gonna say "Junior government gimp wrecks ex-girlfriend's career." How about that? Do you like that? Do you know what I'm gonna do, Oliver Reeder? I'm gonna spend the rest of my life dedicated to persecuting you in the most poisenous vendetta ever known in the British media, how about that? You have a great day, you have a smashing fucking day.

  [hangs up] 

• Adam Kenyon : Right, Geoff Holhurst?

  Angela Heaney : Yeah.

  Adam Kenyon : What, Ollie's our source on this? Ollie Reeder? Shallow Throat? Brilliant.

  Angela Heaney : I know you don't rate him...

  Adam Kenyon : You can say that again. Ollie Reeder is, to quote Bobby Kennedy, a complete fucking spasmanoid. Plus, you know how Geoff Holhurst photographs - it's like his body's in the foreground and his head is really really far away, looks fucking weird. Just something solid, allright? Otherwise our front page is going to be an interview with Janet Street Porter on why she hasn't been asked to be Prime Minister and a giant fucking Sudoku.

• Oliver Reeder : [on the phone]  Angela.

  Angela Heaney : Ollie! How are you?

  Oliver Reeder : I'm Tickety Fockety Boo, thank you very much!

  Angela Heaney : Sorry?

  Oliver Reeder : Tickety Fockety Boo. Just something Ben said.

  Angela Heaney : You and Ben Swain big buds, then?

  Oliver Reeder : Well, you know... Could you hang on just a second?

  [goes to the lavatory] 

  Oliver Reeder : Things are just a little bit fluid here, and Glenn's not really a big Ben fan. Ben Swain, obviously, not the clock. Well, it's not the clock, it's the bell that's called Big Ben.

  Angela Heaney : So, go on, tell me, who else is running?

  Oliver Reeder : Well, no one. No one's gonna stand against Tom, surely he's going to be unnopposed. They'll be re-branding him as we speak, I would imagine. New hair, Ted Baker teeth, all the modern trappings of your political leader...

  Angela Heaney : Ollie! Are you pissing?

  Oliver Reeder : Ah, no, that's the flush of the automatic urinals in the gentelman's lavatory.

  Angela Heaney : I don't wanna talk to you while you're holding your penis.

  Oliver Reeder : Well, that's not what you used to say, Angela.

  Angela Heaney : Yes it is.

  Oliver Reeder : No well, actually that's precicely what you used to say.

  Angela Heaney : We're hearing that someone has booked in to do a Today programm in the morning to announce they're standing.

  Oliver Reeder : Oh?

  Angela Heaney : You and Big Ben out of the loop on that one?

  Oliver Reeder : Ah, no, no, no... That's... Not Geoff Holhurst?

  Angela Heaney : Geoff?

• Adam Kenyon : Alright, latest.

  Angela Heaney : Ollie says no one's standing in Tom's way, definite.

  Adam Kenyon : Oh, Ollie says, does he?

  Angela Heaney : He's at the Nutter summit now, he's our best source!

  Adam Kenyon : What for, raw sewage? Right, start a Tom story, but just as the spine, don't elaborate, just keep your options open, allright?

  Angela Heaney : Ok.

  Adam Kenyon : Just for now.

  [to another journalist] 

  Adam Kenyon : Get rid of this Dan Miller horseshit and get going on the Tom! Ok, come on, people, let's go! Come on!

• Adam Kenyon : So it's Ballentine. Well, it's a sideways move but it kind of makes sence. Should we run with it?

  Angela Heaney : Well, it's definitely happening, she's on her way in.

  Adam Kenyon : Is it gonna stand up?

  Angela Heaney : I think it'll stand up.

  Adam Kenyon : You think?

  Angela Heaney : Probably.

  Adam Kenyon : If you were me?

  Angela Heaney : I'd have a sex change?

  Adam Kenyon : Very fucking funny. Right, fuck it, let's do it, let's run with it. Let's go, Ballantine story, let's go. Better run with something, otherwise we're gonna have to re-print Hitler's fucking diaries again.

• Angela Heaney : They ditched Ballantine.

  Adam Kenyon : What? Already?

  Angela Heaney : Yeah.

  Adam Kenyon : What the fuck is wrong with this people? I mean, what is this? Potential leader speed-dating? Right, who is standing?

  Angela Heaney : I dunno.

  Adam Kenyon : [to a reporter working on a Ballantine article]  Ditch that, for a start! Get rid of her! I can't stand her fucking face.

• Angela Heaney : Ollie! Are you pissing?

  Oliver Reeder : Ah, no, that's the flush of the automatic urinals in the gentelman's lavatory.

  Angela Heaney : I don't wanna talk to you while you're holding your penis!

  Oliver Reeder : Well, that's not what you used to say...

  Angela Heaney : Yes it is.

  Oliver Reeder : No, well, that's precisely what you used to say.