- Kati Farkas: Have you seen Serena?
- Isabel Coates: I wonder where she is?
- Blair Waldorf: And you know what I wonder? How I'm supposed to hear anything about Yale with all this talk about Serena.
- Blair Waldorf: [to Serena, who arrived late for school:] Aww, too bad you missed the assembly. Not that it matters. Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [the girls are playing field hockey] Look, I made a mistake with Nate, okay, but then you sabotaged me with Dan. We don't have to be friends...
- [Blair hits Serena's foot with her stick]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Ughhh!
- Field Hockey Coach: What's up, Waldorf?
- Blair Waldorf: Sorry, slipped.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm fine.
- [the game continues]
- Serena van der Woodsen: I really wanna believe that was an accident.
- Blair Waldorf: Then you must be delusional.
- [for the second time Blair comes up and shoves Serena hard]
- Blair Waldorf: [the coach gives her a flag]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Thank you.
- [now for the third time Blair comes up and knocks Serena to ground]
- Field Hockey Coach: I'm running out of colors here, Blair.
- Serena van der Woodsen: And I'm running out of patience. Enough, okay?
- Blair Waldorf: It's enough when I say it's enough.
- [the game continues on again and this time Serena comes up and tackles Blair to the ground]
- Blair Waldorf: Ohhh! Get off!
- Field Hockey Coach: Girls, break it up!
- Blair Waldorf: Get off of me!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Is that enough yet?
- [pause]
- Serena van der Woodsen: So we've actually come to physical blows, huh? Truce?
- Blair Waldorf: [fakes to garner sympathy] Owww! My leg!
- Field Hockey Coach: [fooled] Serena, you're out of here!
- Serena van der Woodsen: I hope it's broken.
- Blair Waldorf: Owww!
- Blair Waldorf: [re sneaked snap of Serena outside rehab center] What is she doing there?
- Chuck Bass: Well, what's anyone doing there? It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted.
- Blair Waldorf: You must have your own wing.
- Chuck Bass: You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit.
- [pause]
- Chuck Bass: So the question is, what do you do now?
- Blair Waldorf: I was thinking total social destruction.
- Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were getting soft.
- [pause]
- Chuck Bass: So this is your bed, huh?
- Blair Waldorf: Leaving. Now!
- Chuck Bass: You can repay me another time.
- Blair Waldorf: If you weren't such a perv, I'm sure the CIA would hire you in a second.
- Chuck Bass: Defending my country, now there's a future I never envisioned.
- Blair Waldorf: With good reason.
- Jenny Humphrey: We're Humphreys, Dad. Not exactly royalty uptown.
- Rufus Humphrey: You okay with that?
- Jenny Humphrey: No, but I'm used to it.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, what the hell was that?
- Blair Waldorf: Will you excuse us, please.
- Serena van der Woodsen: So we good now, we square?
- Blair Waldorf: No. Because nothing I do will ever be as bad as what you did to me.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Look, I'm asking you please. I'll stop if you will.
- Blair Waldorf: You're just saying that because today you lost and you're gonna keep losing. Now if you'll excuse me. Unlike you I have a future to get back to.
- [just after Blair read Serena her letter]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Why didn't you send it? I would've...
- Blair Waldorf: You would've what? You knew, Serena, and you didn't even call.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I didn't know what to say to you or even how to be your friend after what I did. I'm so sorry.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like World War 3 has just broken out and it's wearing knee socks. Choose your side or run and hide. We have a feeling this one is to the death.
- Blair Waldorf: Do you remember when dad gave me my first Yale sweatshirt? I don't think any piece of clothing has ever fit me more perfectly. Not to mention how adorable I found that bulldog. Remember when I asked you if I could get a bulldog? Good call by the way saying no. And now the big day is finally here. Soon Nate and I will be away at college. Him coming down to Yale, me going up to Dartmouth. Dad flying in for the Princeton game. I hope it doesn't make you feel old watching me grow up.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: S not so fashionably late and dressed down by B. Game on, ladies.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Honesty may be the best policy in some zip codes, but not in this one and not this week, 'cause "I was a teenage drug addict" is not exactly a winning college essay.
- Lily van der Woodsen: [after Serena spent the night in her brother's hospital room] Why sleep there? It's not like he can even see you. His eyes are closed.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Do you have one maternal bone in your entire body?
- Blair Waldorf: [Chuck's made naughty comments about short skirts catfight on the hockey field] Agh, you're heinous.
- Chuck Bass: [amused] Which is probably why you called.
- Blair Waldorf: You know me well.
- Rufus Humphrey: It's not that bad.
- Dan Humphrey: Looks like I shaved with a wood-chipper.
- Jenny Humphrey: I was going with more of a chainsaw.
- Dan Humphrey: Not helping.
- Jenny Humphrey: Not trying to.
- Rufus Humphrey: Hey, look on the bright side. You're not a hemophiliac. Otherwise you'd...
- [stifles laughter]
- Rufus Humphrey: be in the emergency room.
- Jenny Humphrey: And that's helping?
- Dan Humphrey: Mm. Not really.
- Rufus Humphrey: Dartmouth's gonna love you.
- Dan Humphrey: You know, I gotta believe that being able to shave is a prerequisite for attending.
- Rufus Humphrey: No one is better qualified, no one is smarter, more well-rounded.
- Dan Humphrey: Or wounded. It's not like I have a trust fund to fall back on, Dad. You know, all I have is
- [taps side of his head]
- Dan Humphrey: what's up here.
- Jenny Humphrey: Uh...
- [Dan signals her to be quiet]
- Rufus Humphrey: Oh, that is the most important thing. College is about academic excellence, not your stock portfolio. Besides, you're gonna do great in your interview. You take after your Dad in that way. The spotlight doesn't faze us.
- Jenny Humphrey: [to Dan] Oh, you better hope there's not a spotlight involved.
- [chuckles, gets a sharp look from Dad]
- Jenny Humphrey: I'm your sister. It's what I do.
- Dan Humphrey: Not when it's about Dartmouth.
- Eric van der Woodsen: [first day back at school, reassures Lily:] All I have to do is be normal.
- [as Mom goes off, to Serena:]
- Eric van der Woodsen: Or at least *act* normal.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Works for Mom.
- [snickers]
- Nate Archibald: [reads note] Who's Jessica?
- Chuck Bass: [snickers happily] Ah, Jersey girls. Let's just say they're Princeton Tigers for a reason.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What's that?
- Blair Waldorf: It's a letter. I wrote it while you where in boarding school. I never sent it.
- [reads from letter]
- Blair Waldorf: Dear Serena. My world is falling apart. My father left my mother for a thirty-one year old model. A *male* model. I feel like screaming because I have no one to talk to. You're gone. My dad is gone. Nate's acting weird.
- [beat]
- Blair Waldorf: Where are you? Why won't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much. Love, Blair.