- Chuck Bartowski: [at Thanksgiving dinner] I'm thankful that Bryce Larkin is dead and is not currently in my bedroom making out with my new girlfriend.
- John Casey: [interprets Chuck's signal and goes to check the bedroom] Excuse me...
- Morgan Grimes: Wow, buddy, that was um... really... dark.
- Captain Awesome: And specific.
- Bryce Larkin: Who are you?
- Chuck Bartowski: Hey, buddy, it's me, Chuck.
- Bryce Larkin: [Bryce looks at him] I don't believe you. What have you done with the real Chuck?
- Chuck Bartowski: I'd like to come out now, please.
- John Casey: [sarcastically to Sarah] Real born interrogator.
- Chuck Bartowski: Great. Well, unless we're in the twilight zone, and I'm some kind of clone, the answer to your question is, "yes, I am the real Chuck".
- Bryce Larkin: Prove it.
- [says something in Klingon]
- Chuck Bartowski: Come on, there are people watching.
- Bryce Larkin: Do it.
- [Chuck responds in Klingon]
- John Casey: What the hell?
- Bryce Larkin: Your Klingon's a bit rusty.
- Chuck Bartowski: Yeah, I've been kinda busy ever since I got your e-mail.
- Bryce Larkin: Did you open it?
- Chuck Bartowski: Yeah.
- Bryce Larkin: Your computer?
- Chuck Bartowski: Destroyed.
- Bryce Larkin: So you're the only one?
- Chuck Bartowski: I don 't get it, Bryce. Why'd you do it? Why'd you send me the intersect? Then, why did you destroy it? And last up: how the hell are you still alive?
- Bryce Larkin: It's complicated.
- Chuck Bartowski: Who saved you?
- Bryce Larkin: They did.
- Chuck Bartowski: *They* saved you? Did they? Could you be any more cryptic? Can I get a name, a place, a something?
- Big Mike: Okay, listen up. Three minutes, we let those animals in. If this was a zoo, I'd say run for your lives. But this is Buy More. For those days when you did squat, this is where you make up for it. Don't let me down. This is the single most important day of our year. And my door is locked. Don't even think about knocking.
- [after everyone has run out on Ellie's Thanksgiving dinner]
- Ellie Bartowski: No more family dinners, okay?
- Captain Awesome: How do you feel about a destination Christmas?
- John Casey: [Bryce is using Chuck at a shield] I've got a clean shot.
- Chuck Bartowski: No, you don't!
- John Casey: You'll be fine.
- Chuck Bartowski: No shooting, no shooting! I'm susceptible to bullets!
- Bryce Larkin: [to Chuck] I've got *one* friend in this world. You have a home, and a store full of them.
- Jeff: Chuck, the registers are down! I can't get them back up! What do I do?
- Fulcrum: If you say more than one word to him, you're both dead.
- Chuck Bartowski: Pineapple.
- Jeff: Pineapple!
- Morgan Grimes: Dude, will you stop saying that? It doesn't have any meaning if you keep saying it.
- Jeff: I didn't say it, Chuck said it!
- Morgan Grimes: [on megaphone] Okay, everyone, we need you to leave the store in an orderly fashion. Anna: Pineapple!
- Anna Wu: Pineapple!
- Morgan Grimes: They're not moving fast enough. We're gonna have a Pineapple situation.
- Lester: What's a Pineapple situation?
- Anna Wu: Jeff and Lester can't handle it. They're hiding.
- Morgan Grimes: What are you guys doing?
- Lester: Dude, it is *not* safe out there!
- Jeff: Someone *touched* me!
- Bryce Larkin: [Bryce using Chuck as a shield at the elevator] What's the access code?
- Sarah Walker: Bryce, stop!
- Bryce Larkin: I'll kill him, Sarah!
- Chuck Bartowski: Between you and me, I think he means it!
- Bryce Larkin: [in the elevator to Chuck] You knew I wasn't really gonna do it, right?
- Chuck Bartowski: No! No, I did not know that, Bryce! How would I know that?
- Bryce Larkin: [pointing a gun at Chuck] Close the door.
- Chuck Bartowski: OK! OK, I'm closing the door, I'm closing the door, and I'm stepping into the apartment. *Please* *do* *not* *shoot* *me*!
- Chuck Bartowski: [after seeing Casey's hidden stash of guns in the Buy More] Are you kidding me? Some kid could find this!
- Bryce Larkin: Hello, Chuck.
- Chuck Bartowski: Sarah and Casey are right inside, one girlish scream from me and they go into combat mode!
- Sarah Walker: How did Casey find out?
- Chuck Bartowski: I made a rash decision.
- Sarah Walker: You saw Bryce kiss me, didn't you?
- Big Mike: Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Do any of you know what happens after Thanksgiving?
- Jeff: The tryptophan wears off, and it's time for the liquor to kick in?
- Big Mike: No. I'm talking about Black Friday, people. The biggest shopping day of the year. When regular housewives transform into a crazy mob blinded by door prizes, sales and the urge to get the Christmas shopping done early.
- Anna Wu: [carrying Anna out of the store] Morgan! What are you doing? Put me down!
- Morgan Grimes: No, I will not put you down!