The Magnificent Eleven (2013) User Reviews

Poor

[drobison-793-939911 · 3/10 · 16 September 2013]

Oh dear! I wanted to enjoy this film as I like British comedies, football and Keith Allen. However, some of the acting wasn't the best and there wasn't enough depth. Plot lines could have been explored a lot more.

I would have liked a more feel good soundtrack too.

I'm afraid my husband and I were both reminded of the B moves we used to watch in the 70s. Though they were more enjoyable as shorter and were what they were!

If they gave it a revamp and started again I would give it another chance though!

Sadly, not very magnificent at all

[bowmanblue · 4/10 · 26 September 2014]

The Magnificent Eleven must have been an easy sell. After the runaway success of Trainspotting, anything with writer Irvine Welsh's name on it gets the greenlight. However, this film is nothing like its dark and moody predecessor.

Trainspotting had social commentary and healthy doses of black humour. Here, we have a sort of 'London's answer to The Full Monty,' only with humour that just doesn't work.

It's about a pub football team who blag their way into getting a local Indian Restaurant to sponsor them, only to find later that the restaurant is in debt to 'the mob,' therefore they have to help them out and defend the naan bread and tikkas-to-go. Yes, as its name suggests, it's a homage to The Magnificent Seven. Whereas the cowboy film had action as its main selling point, this one has - er - not much. The humour is really weak, most of the characters are stereotypes and, although it's easy to sympathise with some of the characters who are finding it hard to find work in these times of austerity, they're just not interesting or funny enough to truly get behind.

About the only point is a spirited performance by Jenna Harrison, who comes across as suitably lovely. The rest if the cast, despite boasting some impressive British acting talent, come across as pretty bland.

However, the bottom line is, if you want some British comedy, stick to the Full Monty. If you want a cowboy film, stay with the Magnificent Seven.

Not Welsh's finest contribution - a big own-goal

[joebloggscity · 2/10 · 12 February 2023]

Football rarely (if ever) tranfers well onto the big screen, and this is the perfect example of that.

Irvine Welsh reputedly assisted with the writing, but it's not his finest hour that's for sure.

There's little point summarising the plot, it's just not worth it. Football team, lads, shenanigans, save the club from ABC&D etc. Girls, romances, pals helping each other out, unconvincing gangsters and you get the idea.

The biggest mystery is how this ever even won a £3m budget to even get made! How did it even get distributed? It's so poor and would have been better off having been buried away like other non-event catastrophes.

Just give it a miss.

The Magnificent Eleven: Mixed bag

[Platypuschow · 5/10 · 3 September 2018]

I found myself watching The Magnificent Eleven as I'm binging on all the remakes of Seven Samurai (1954) and this is certainly the oddest.

That's right this 2013 British made football themed movie is remake of 1954's Japanese made samurai movie! Who would have thought it?

Starring Sean Pertwee, Keith Allen and a very tired looking Robert Vaughn this movie was at an immediate disadvantage with me.

I tend to dislike UK cinema and I hate football, so what chance did it stand really?

Telling the story of a small football team who seek sponsorship from a local indian restaurant and how it gets them into a spot of bother with the local crime syndicate.

I have to say it's not what I expected at all. For a start this is in no universe a remake of Seven Samurai, I don't know how in the blue hell they can justify that. Second the football is a side theme and the movie doesn't climax in a football game like you'd assume, it goes in a different direction and is all the better for it.

A distinctly average film from a genre I dislike that comes out better than expected mostly due to a great finale.

Better than it by all rights should have been and does NOT deserve the critical reception it seems to have recieved.

The Good:

Great finale

Strong cast

The Bad:

Robert Vaughn should have retired by this point, I loved the man but here he demonstrates that he should have been putting his feet up

Still a football movie at its core

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

I entirely approve of Gary Linker having a mute disguised role

Keith Allen has considerably more talent than his daughter could dream of

Is it the pantomime season yet?

[Drjohngulliver · 1/10 · 26 July 2013]

Cowboys, Indians, Bandits.

Good versus the bad. Indian restaurant and arranged marriage cliché.

Drunk man and failing marriage cliché.

Keith Allen in man not letting go of youth via 70s car cliché.

Pretty girl and Indian boy not supposed to get together but so alarmingly better looking than rest of cast it was inevitable cliché.

Crap Full Monty nude 11 men detained in bus cliché.

Crap fight scene rendering entire build up a laughing stock.

Gary Linnekar.

Avoid. It is poop. It was not good. Avoid.

Paint drying is quicker & more entertaining

[steevandkay · 1/10 · 15 September 2013]

The Full Monty its not. This is a truly awful film.

It is plodding, predictable, hackneyed, clichéd, totally uninvolving, unbelievable, and just not funny.

I am frankly staggered at the waste of talent on show here, and I can't believe anyone can call it an "excellent" film.

On the contrary, its a complete waste of my time, your time, and theirs.

How on earth it got past the initial stages is beyond me.

There's far superior films out there

Don't buy or rent it.

Malignant more like!

[hitchcockthelegend · 5/10 · 13 November 2014]

The Magnificent Eleven of the title are a bunch of boozy amateur league footballers, they are so bad that scoring one goal is seen as the equal of winning the World Cup! Unfortunately because they are so bad they can't get sponsorship and are about to fold. That is until a raucous night at the local Indian takeaway results in the saving of the team. But lurking around with menace is local thug American Bob, who along with his henchman are putting the squeeze on the restaurant for protection money owed.

Paul Barber is the manager, Keith Allen is the captain and Sean Pertwee is the star player! That's enough for British film fans to know just what sort of film this is. In truth in spite of its snazzy cast list, it's not very good, the attempt at making a play on The Magnificent Seven, with Robert Vaughn turning up as American Bob, never really works. However, for football fans, and especially those that have played Sunday league footie, there is charm to be found and some genuine laugh out loud moments. Only a Sunday league player in Britain could understand why a team called Real Sociopath is genius funny.

A select audience only for this one, non Brits need not apply. 5/10

Fun Little British Comedy

[dave-772-95689 · 8/10 · 5 July 2013]

I genuinely enjoyed this film. It's quirky, funny and feel-good in a way which left me with a smile on my face (especially the little cameo at the very end)...

It's not necessarily a classic like Full Monty or Brassed Off but it's the best film of this type for a long time and with a very strong cast too.

Why isn't this out there on a much wider release? It's a welcome change from the normal depressing low budget British films about knives and gangs and I would prefer to spend my evenings watching this type of quirky, clever comedy than yet another Danny Dyer wannabe running around stabbing anything that moves.

This should be getting much better promotion than it is!

Charming Comedy With Heart

[rossboyask-1 · 7/10 · 13 January 2022]

A charming UK comedy take on the classic Magnificent Seven tale and a great cast, including Sean Pertwee, Keith Allen, Gary Mavers and Robert Vaughn enliven proceedings.

Excellent British film

[garywallis · 9/10 · 6 September 2013]

A great UK low budget film with loads of familiar faces. The storyline is bit predictable but never the less good fun and it all comes together nicely at the end. It has an array of likable characters. Sean Pertwee delivers as usual and Keith Allen is pretty good to. The football scenes are realistic unlike your American soccer films, and its great to see real footballers as extras. It's makes a pleasant change to some of the recent awful UK gangster films or hooligan films like Green street. The Indians are a little stereotyped and Robert Vaughan seems to play up his part a bit. I wasn't expecting too much but was pleasantly surprised. It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but if your looking for a few laughs and nothing too taxing you won't be too disappointed. It's the sort of film that would make a nice TV series.

A good movie to watch with beer in hand :)

[vhavnal · 8/10 · 18 June 2013]

I'm not sure why this movie has got poor reviews and poor ratings on IMDb, I actually enjoyed the movie very much.Its a movie about a soccer gang who are down on their luck in terns of finance and thus need sponsorship and they find an Indian family that run a not so profitable looking restaurant to sponsor them. Some of the dialogues are well written but there were instance of poor acting and generally over acting specially by the main villain who acted more like Clint Eastwood in the 60's.. Overall a movie you might want to watch only if you are feeling bored and want a bit of entertainment. Its a good fun and somewhat entertaining movie even though it has random male nudity, if you ignore that, its probably a good movie to watch.

Excellent film

[smith-lee1 · 10/10 · 7 September 2013]

I would agree with the first three people who reviewed this film, its great!!!!

I don't remember this hitting the cinemas in 2013, but I think it would have done well. Just needed a bit more publicity.

Its just the film you need, its based in this country and not some where over the pond in the US, a random Sci-fi pic or lots pouting girls in a hammy rom-com. It has some bloody meaning to it.

OK the cast are well known, but so are the places and what goes on there. It is more about us than you might realise, well apart from American Bob that is!

I really smiled, laughed and enjoyed it, it was probably better than the original film it was based on.

No idea why the rating are low on. I gave it a 10/10.

If your reading this write up, trying to work out if its worth watching on SKY Plus then give punt... Its the best 90 minutes you'll spend watching TV. Better than watching celebrity big brother. And you won't find any of these actor on that!

Come support your own national film industry and give a view, and vote.