The Office (TV Series)
Women's Appreciation (2007)
Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute
Photos
Quotes
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Dwight Schrute : I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
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Dwight Schrute : This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know what you're thinking: Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?
Pam Beesley : Phallus?
Dwight Schrute : Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
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Michael Scott : My point is... A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
Dwight Schrute : "Alien."
[makes monster noise]
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Karen Filippelli : Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous.
Dwight Schrute : Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
Karen Filippelli : Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.
Dwight Schrute : Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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Jim Halpert : [after he's been given a demerit] Like, what does a demerit mean?
Dwight Schrute : Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim Halpert : Lay it on me.
Dwight Schrute : Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation.
Jim Halpert : Now, that sounds serious.
Dwight Schrute : Oh, it is serious. Five citations, and you're looking at a violation. Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that will land you in a world of hurt, in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim Halpert : Which would be me.
Dwight Schrute : That is correct.
Jim Halpert : Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full dessaggelation.
Dwight Schrute : What's a dis... What's that?
Jim Halpert : Oh, you don't want to know.