- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I had a wife like you once, Cynthia. I divorced her.
- Cynthia Sumner: Beat her to it, did you?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [calling her private line from Paris] Hello Cynthia... hello... Cynthia?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Noooooooo...
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Jethro, I should have recognized the heavy breathing. Is the Agency intact?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I cut it up into small bits and pieces and sold it to the three letter boys.
- [Gibbs ignores an incoming call from Cynthia]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: That wouldn't have been your assistant, would it, Director?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I do hate a nagging woman, Duck.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: [chuckling] She's only doing her job, Jethro.
- Abby Sciuto: Oh, this cab is bringing back memories. Cheap vinyl, plastic divider, dirty floors. Actually, these floors are pretty clean. The ones I remember were dirty.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Let me guess. Short-lived career as a cabby?
- Abby Sciuto: A short-lived encounter. A ship in the night.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Ooh.
- Abby Sciuto: My first time.
- Officer Ziva David: For what?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Front seat or back?
- Abby Sciuto: Back. Well, both, kind of.
- Officer Ziva David: Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier.
- Abby Sciuto, Special Agent Timothy McGee: Of course it was.
- Officer Ziva David: Where was the cabby when this encounter took place?
- Abby Sciuto: He was a cabby. Putting himself through school. It was his first time too.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: First time for what?
- Abby Sciuto: Seeing a curling match, Gibbs. Haver you ever seen a curling match? The pristine ice and those little brooms that sweep.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [to Gibbs about being "acting" director] I take it walking in my heels has presented a challenge.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [having been caught talking about something other than their investigation] I know, boss. This isn't TV trivia. A dead man was left on our doorstep clutching a hit list. Well, not exactly clutching, but with a hit list in his wallet, and we have to find the two names on the list that haven't been hit yet before they are hit.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, DiNozzo.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We have to find the dirtbag that KILLED THE OTHER FIVE!
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: What are you looking for?
- Abby Sciuto: Gibbs. He has this uncanny way of just showing up whenever I make a discovery.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: He's a little bit off his game since he's been playing director.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [on the videophone behind McGee and Abby] Is that so, McGee?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [talking to Cynthia from Paris] Put him back on.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeeeesssss...
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Is there any serious business I should know about?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, the Buy America toilet paper doesn't fit the metric fixture and we got to turn...
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [she hangs up on him, cutting him off mid sentence]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Cynthia] She hung up on me.
- Cynthia Sumner: [sarcastically] Shocking.
- Officer Ziva David: You're comparing me to your mother?
- Joe Kelly: Just around the eyes. Maybe the mouth.
- Officer Ziva David: [to Gibbs] PERMISSION TO SHOOT!
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [talking to Gibbs on the phone from Paris] Put Cynthia on.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey how's the Frog...
- [long pause]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: ...legs. You always enjoyed them sauteed in butter.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [angrily] CYNTHIA NOW!
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: They're desperate.
- Abby Sciuto: They're like drowning men grasping at thin polystyrene tubes.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I was going to say straws, but I do like that idiom better.
- Abby Sciuto: Because mines more accurate! I mean, does saying 'grasping at straws' tell you if they're made out of paper or glass or metal or polystyrene? No!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Scout's honor.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: You said you were never in the boy scouts.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I was an Alpha Chi Delta wet t-shirt spring break talent scout. Does that count?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Ducky] Hey, Duck. You win the pool.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: [pumps fist] Yes! Thank you, Jethro!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And I didn't do anything wrong, McGee.