Boston Legal (TV Series)

Green Christmas (2007)

Jim Antonio: Walt Bonner

Quotes 

• Walt Bonner : [At the initial settlement meeting between Denny, Walt, and their attorneys, Denny has been discretely shooting an Airsoft pistol at Walt as he diatribes]  Ow! Dammit, something keeps hitting me in the face, and it hurts!

  Carl Sack : [Despite Denny acting 'innocent,' Carl has seen]  Why don't, um... we take a break, and let cooler heads prevail?

  [Caught, Denny takes another shot at Walt, for all to see] 

  Walt Bonner : [to Denny]  Ow! You're shooting me!

  Denny Crane : Ah, it's an Airsoft gun. Don't be such a girl.

  Walt Bonner : Obnoxious -

  [Denny shoots him again] 

  Walt Bonner : Sick!

  Denny Crane : Second Amendment, he was attacking me! I have a right to defend myself!

  [He looks to Carl] 

  Denny Crane : ... Don't I?

• Denny Crane : [Walt walks into Denny's office. Denny is wearing reindeer antlers, and his desk is covered with dozens of guns. Denny greets his old friend]  Ah. Scotch and egg nog, hold the nog?

  Walt Bonner : No thank you. What's with... all the guns here, Denny, if you don't mind my asking?

  Denny Crane : Oh, Coast Guard Auxiliary. I'm serving my country. It's fantastic. Getting reacquainted with weaponry. Wanna join?

  Walt Bonner : Actually, Denny, I do serve my country. Which is one of the reasons I'm here. In fact, I joined the board of Green People to save this country, as well as the planet.

  [Denny sighs] 

  Walt Bonner : Denny, this is a little awkward. Green People hired Crane, Poole, and Schmidt on my recommendation. And the only reason I made that recommendation was because you told me your firm was extremely green!

  Denny Crane : Yeah. So?

  Walt Bonner : Well, it's not. Not really.

  Denny Crane : Wha-what're you talking about? We have all these...

  [He gestures toward the ceiling with a shotgun he's picked up off the desk] 

  Denny Crane : curly-cue light bulbs.

  Walt Bonner : Yeah, well, there are major areas where this firm is not green! You have no solar panels, no car pool policies... I discovered you recently threw away your old computers! Which contain hazardous waste!

  [Denny makes a sad noise, but Walt barrels ahead] 

  Walt Bonner : And which will probably end up in the landfill! Meanwhile, Green People is paying your firm legal fees in the six figures every year! Bottom line, Denny, get green or I'll recommend we hire another law firm.

  Denny Crane : Walt...

  [Denny sets down the shotgun] 

  Denny Crane : May I say something?

  Walt Bonner : [Nods]  Okay.

  Denny Crane : I love the environment, I really do. And every day, I kiss the ground I walk on, as do many others, because I am, after all, Denny Crane.

  [Walt sighs in exasperation and shakes his head - Denny imitates him] 

  Denny Crane : What's this, you got a tick?

  Walt Bonner : Denny. I take this cause seriously. I'm committing the rest of my life to it. I told you it was important for our law firm to be environmentally conscious. You're wearing blinking antlers, for God's sake!

  Denny Crane : Walt, it's Christmas! It's a time of year to embrace... giving, and getting, and waste, and gluttony, and all the things that made God and this country great! Don't be such a girl.

  Walt Bonner : Now, I am getting angry.

  Denny Crane : Well, so am I! Frankly, I hope this planet survives, I really do. But I am getting sick of you smug, hybrid-driving socialists telling the rest of us how to live our lives! I'm rich, okay? I like to guzzle a little gas, now and then. I keep my thermostat at 72 during the winter, and I prefer night games in football! And I am fed up with you global warming wusses raining on my electric parade!

  Walt Bonner : You can be such an arrogant, ignorant, ass!

  Denny Crane : So can you!

  [He picks up an automatic rifle-looking gun off the table, and shoots Walt, Scarface-style, multiple times. There's a beat where Denny looks at Walt, who looks down at his... paintball-splattered sweater. Denny continues] 

  Denny Crane : Good news, it's paint. Bad news, it's not biodegradable! Nobody comes into my office, and ruins my Christmas, with a load of save-the-planet, atheist, communist crap!

  [Gestures toward the door, as Walt shakily picks up his jacket] 

  Denny Crane : Off you go now.

  [Walt leaves, and the main titles roll]