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97 out of 147 people found the following review useful: Donkey Pish, 9 July 2008 Author: DelBongo from Brighton, UK
I can't remember the last time that a movie squandered as much goodwill in such a short space of time as this one does. The first half is genuinely terrific, as six lairy, sexed-up twenty-somethings flirt, take drugs and confabulate on a yacht anchored off the coast of an unnamed Spanish island. Its like Hollyoaks as directed by Larry Clark, and it is totally gripping.But as soon as the titular incident occurs (and the titular incident really does occur; just in case anyone else suspected that the title was merely a jocular come-on) the plot suddenly helter skelters straight into a brick wall; turning into the kind of dated, tiresome trash that isn't only shockingly predictable, but also entirely unaware of its own predictability. The film's twists are broadly apparent a full ten minutes before they occur on screen, which makes for an experience that isn't only boring, but also deeply and repeatedly annoying.This is one of those thrillers in which every cast member gets a turn playing the volatile psychopath, purely because the script can't get around the fact that the previous character to go loopy has just been safely locked in a cupboard.It never once stops being faultlessly directed - debutant Oliver Blackburn coaxes some really outstanding performances from his young cast, and there are a couple of devilish moments of genuine suspense and black comedy - but these jiffys are like a tiny number of slowly deflating rubber dinghies sinking into a gigantic ocean of generic pish.People merely looking for explicit sex will be very well served, but the violence and gore is surprisingly tame for something that's being marketed as a plasma-stained killfest.A very brief, but nevertheless apt and effective homage to Phillip Noyce's Dead Calm aside (a film so infinitely superior that I feel guilty for even having mentioned it here) this is just a shoddy, witless bore of a film.And it all started so well.
25 out of 37 people found the following review useful: Haven't I Already Seen This?, 9 June 2008 Author: saxifrage2020 from Australia
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I found myself at a screening of this at the Sydney Film Festival - one of the producers was there to talk up the 'wild ride' we were about to be taken on which should have been a warning that it wasn't going to be that great. It starts off pretty well with a bunch of very attractive English party holidaymakers (very realistic, I've seen their types all around the world) hooking up for what is going to be a slightly sordid adventure. Once the title is mentioned in the film (Huzzah? anyone) you pretty much know exactly what's going to happen. Yes, it's a thriller but when there are seven people on a boat you pretty much know from the beginning that there's going to be a last man standing. The only real suspense is trying to guess which one it's going to be. All seven characters are complete stereotypes (really bad guy, ruthless guy, good guy and not so bad guy forced to do really bad things; party girl who gets knocked off early; middle ground party girl and slightly less inclined party girl). The characters get knocked off with very little imagination and it requires a bit of suspension of disbelief. I'm not going to ask for the 90 minutes back but I'm certainly not going to recommend it for anyone else to see - especially if they've already seen 'Dead Calm'; 'Shallow Grave' or any other film where a bunch of people are 'forced' into killing each other ...
14 out of 17 people found the following review useful: What a waste of talent, 8 May 2009 Author: krigler from Budapest, Hungary
Donkey Punch is more than competently directed, almost every aspect of it is superbly executed - save for the tiny matter called screenplay. The plot is so tired words cannot begin to describe it. There is not one event that cannot be foreseen from miles ahead by anyone who has seen more than two thriller movies in recent years.The director is obviously very talented, and even the acting is above average compared to this type of fare (I'm looking at you My Bloody Valentine 3D with your silent movie-type overacting) but the plot is such a bore and there is a distinct lack of suspense throughout that instead of generating thrills it almost put me to sleep.Any real chance of characterization sinks as soon as the characters begin to do awfully predictable and silly things, just for the sake of packing a punch to the audience - which in turn fails because everyone can see them coming.And to think that British public funding is going to such stinking waste of material and talent is beyond comprehension. I am all for subsidizing mainstream films but Donkey Punch is a knockoff of dozens of movies we have seen, most of them better written.Just a touch of originality would have elevated Donkey Punch to at least an average level, as it is now it is just not worth the time and investment. On the plus side: the soundtrack is awesome.
8 out of 10 people found the following review useful: Donkey DOOOO, 7 May 2009 Author: KingArthurUK from Middlesex England
i am going to keep this brief... if you value the use of your time this is one to miss.the film actually had an interesting start -3 young woman on a girls holiday meets a group of lads on holiday in a rented boat, drinks, drugs, flirting and banter... at this point you are still awaiting the film to really kick in, however up until this point, the film is still more than just watchable, which i thought had potential to continue in its tracks... suddenly, the whole film changes direction, they 'lose the plot' so to speak.. after a perfectly filmed porno styled orgy scene where the infamous DONKEY PUNCH DEATH occurs and the the carnage begins... words cannot explain how unrealistic the rest of the film plays out.. completely idiotic unbelievable murderous acts coming at you like flock of seagulls until all but the 'good girl' is left.. it was laughable. sorry guys! plot-less and pointless - very disappointing.
12 out of 18 people found the following review useful: Oh god, 2 May 2009 Author: dchippendale from United States
I will admit that I rented this movie because of the title. I thought it would be a low budget horror movies that would just make you laugh. However, this movie was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Really, don't waste your money on this movie. It does not frighten you, it just is full of blood and gore. The acting is also atrocious, and if you have not been living in the UK for the past few years you will not understand there mumblings. Susannah says ring ring...hello. The reason why I gave this a 3 was because the plot does have to deal with the basic idea of human instinct in extreme situations which is an interestingtheme.
7 out of 10 people found the following review useful: Absolute tripe., 3 September 2009 Author: Matthew Hopkiins from United Kingdom
I only watched this because it was on Film 4 last night, and wanted to see if it deserved the bad reviews, well it most certainly did.I am astounded that Channel 4 saw fit to invest in this vile film that just set out to shock.It also worries me that we have sunk as low as this in terms of humanity to consider this as entertainment,I love horror movies, but this had no redeeming features whatsoever.As an aside, if the people portrayed in this film are an accurate representation of young Britons abroad, then I'm glad I don't bother with run of the mill holiday resorts with the binge drinking and all that goes with it.
8 out of 13 people found the following review useful: Doesn't really pack any sort of 'Punch', 25 April 2009 Author: thesar-2 from United States
In the sparkling tradition of 'Very Bad Things,' 'A Simple Plan' and 'Open Water 2: Adrift,' comes a 'Donkey Punch' that's a dozen of hits inferior to the films it's mirroring. Sure it's more serious than 'Things' and 'Plan' but what made those fun to watch was that they didn't take themselves so seriously. This 'Donkey' movie was made by people that have never seen those three, or any other young adult 'Oh, I've never met you, so I guess it's safe to go with you to ___" (fill in destination) film. There's got to be countless ones out there. The twist, I suppose they were shooting for was the said title. What takes seconds to explain what it is doesn't make this much more original than 'Things' or 'Plan.' Three girl friends meet four guy friends while on holiday in Spain and opt for a sunset cruise on a yacht. After one dies by a (insert title here), the action, suspense and paranoia ensures. When the movie turns cat & mouse, everyone out for themselves, hurting each other, plotting, etc, it's not terrible, but horribly unoriginal, predictable and gives us zero characters/heroes in which to root for. Granted most of us haven't been involved in such circumstances, we can't honestly say what we would do. However, having seen at least 48 movies like this one, I think I'll have a pretty good idea of what NOT to do. I think if it really did happen to me, and they made it into a movie, chances are it would just a 5-minute You-tube clip. One other problem I had, and I'm probably in the minority, but though I speak English, I find myself using the English subtitles more with such thick English accents. Unfortunately, this DVD only had Spanish subtitles.'Very Bad Things' and 'A Simple Plan' are highly recommended over this. Even the low-rated (but I actually enjoyed) 'Open Water 2: Adrift' is a better rental.
26 out of 49 people found the following review useful: Erotic and Gore, 26 December 2008 Author: Claudio Carvalho from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
The girlfriends Lisa (Sian Breckin), Kim (Jaime Winstone) and Tammi (Nichola Burley) travel from Leeds to Mallorca, Spain, to spend a couple of days together having good-time on the beach. They meet Marcus (Jay Taylor), Bluey (Tom Burke) and Josh (Julian Morris) in a bar where they steal a bottle of champagne for fun. The young men tell that they are the crew of a motor pleasure yacht and they invite the girls to visit the vessel, where they introduce the chief-engineer Sean (Robert Boulter). The seven youngsters use ecstasy and smoke the powerful Russian Ice; Bluey talks about kinky sex including Donkey Punch and Dirty Sanchez; and they decide to navigate to the Mediterranean deep sea to see the sunset. The easy Lisa has sex with Bluey first and then anal sex with Josh; Vic has sex with Marcus and Tammi stays on the main deck talking to Sean. When Josh decides to practice Donkey Punch on Lisa, he accidentally kills the girl, in the beginning of a nightmarish gore night."Donkey Punch" begins erotic, with three sexy actresses very exposed, and ends gore after a weird accident. The title refers to a fictitious and mortal practice of anal sex, when the penetrated partner is punched on the head or neck to tight the anal passage and increase the orgasm of the partner. The greatest surprise in the story is that none of the partners use condom, i.e., all of them has unprotected sex. "Donkey Punch" will never be nominated to any Award, but it is entertaining and I liked it. My vote is seven.Title (Brazil): "Prazeres Mortais" ("Deadly Pleasures")
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful: Terrible Movie, 18 December 2009 Author: jtinnelly from Ireland
Please please do not put your self through this two hours of rubbish!! Do not get drawn in by the promises of sex, drugs and violence. Really really really really bad movie and cleft lip man (Tom Burke) is a terrible actor.This sums this movie up perfectly "Before I saw Donkey Punch, I was somewhat tolerant of British film. Now I feel inexplicable anger that such raging self indulgent sh*t can still make it onto the cinema screen. The world will shun this movie. There will be mass concessions of people collecting around twenty foot holes dug in the Sahara desert, just so they can symbolically bury the DVD release. "
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful: Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Sex (But Have Been Forced to Find Out), 18 September 2009 Author: James Hitchcock from Tunbridge Wells, England
Parodying the title of David Reuben's sex manual "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)", the late Douglas Adams came up with an idea for a book called "Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Sex (But Have Been Forced to Find Out)". If such a book actually existed, the sexual act from which this film takes its title would no doubt feature in it, perhaps to the extent of having a whole chapter dedicated to it. If you want to know what a "donkey punch" involves you will have to watch the film, although I can report that it does not actually involve donkeys. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals will doubtless be happy to note that no donkeys were punched during the making of this film. Whether the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Audiences will be so happy is another matter.Three attractive girls named Lisa, Kim and Tammi, on holiday in Majorca, meet four young men who invite them to their yacht. That sounds like the opening scene of a softcore porn film, and at first it seems that that is exactly what "Donkey Punch" is turning into. Unfortunately, matters take a more serious turn when Lisa is killed during a sex game that goes wrong. This leads to a conflict among the group. The surviving women Kim and Tammi want to report Lisa's death to the authorities, whereas the men want to throw her body over the side and pretend that she drowned after falling overboard.The survivors then start fighting amongst themselves, and the film descends into a spiral of violence, with several more people being killed in a variety of unpleasant ways. Something like this could have been the basis of an intriguing thriller along the lines of "Dead Calm", another film which takes place on board a yacht. (The manner of one of the deaths in this film seems to be a detail borrowed directly from "Dead Calm"). "Dead Calm", however, works as a thriller because it emphasises tension over actual violence and gives us characters, particularly the young woman played by Nicole Kidman, whom we can care about and with whom we can identify. "Donkey Punch", by contrast, does neither. The characters are a generally unpleasant lot who will do nothing to dispel the widely-held perception of young Britons abroad as drunken, loutish and rampantly promiscuous. There are a few moments of genuine tension immediately after Lisa's death, but thereafter the film simply descends into gore and mayhem; the only tension is that involved in playing a game of "guess who will be the next to be killed, and how". "Donkey Punch" is a film as nasty and sadistic as the act from which it takes its name. This was director Oliver Blackburn's first feature film; I can only hope for the sake of his career that his second will be a huge improvement on his first. 3/10
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