- Owen Newitt: I hate television people. Do you remember when Bill Oddie came to film that rare lesser-crested eagle on Jessup's Hill, and I shot it in the head so he could get a better look at it? Was he grateful? No he was not! Bearded prat.
- Geraldine Kennedy: Right, rule-change day. My rules now. Rule 1: I will be doing all of the cooking, which will be mainly cakes and stuff. Good, and Rule 2: you will be doing all the tidying, cleaning up and the washing.
- Sting: Right, that's...
- Geraldine Kennedy: Sorry, I haven't finished. In the nude.
- Sting: Really?
- Geraldine Kennedy: Yep. Them's the rules Babycakes.
- Geraldine Kennedy: So there's no way on God's Earth that I will be taking part in Celebrity Non-entity Wife-Swap. Thank you. As I believe King Lear said, "Never never, never, never, never". By the way, who was the celebrity?
- David Horton: Oh, you'd be living with Sting for a week.
- [pause]
- Geraldine Kennedy: [Feigning reluctance] Oh alright then, if I must.
- Geraldine Kennedy: Can I just ask why is Jim completely naked?
- Jim Trott: No no no no I'm having one of those dreams where you think you're naked in public. Then you wake up and find you're in bed.
- Geraldine Kennedy: Except this isn't a dream, is it, Jim?
- Jim Trott: [Jim looks around] No?
- Geraldine Kennedy: No, it isn't. So would you like to go home and get dressed?
- Jim Trott: No no not really. I'm here now.