- Angie Lopez: [thinking she's gotten old and is losing her looks] No more carbs, go to the gym twice a day, and I might have to start Botox.
- Benny: [Angie talks about how she's still got it] We're coming up on the corner of Ego and Denial, anybody need to get off here, Angie?
- George Lopez: Hey Bat, eyes on the road, wings on the wheel!
- George Lopez: [to an old lady who's still dressing like she's 20] Nice belly shirt. It really brings out those liver spots.
- [to Angie]
- George Lopez: There's the finish line, you want to keep running?
- Angie Lopez: You said you loved me for what's on the inside.
- George Lopez: Yeah but right now all that's inside you is fried dough and sugar.
- George Lopez: [to Angie] How would you like it if I showed up at your work wearing fishnet stockings? And I know I got the calves to wear heels!
- Max Lopez: [to his friend] You know what, I made a mistake, this isn't my house at all!
- Angie Lopez: [looking at themselves in the mirror] So... how long do you think we have?
- George Lopez: I think we got 10 years of hot, 20 years of not bad, and 5 years of 'Did that smell come from me or you?'
- Angie Lopez: [after George tried to put her beauty cream on her without her knowing] You're worried about my skin wrinkling!
- George Lopez: No, look, I want you to be relaxed and not worry about getting older, but I want you to look hot doing it!