- [first lines]
- Conner: [to Wayne, who is pretending to be Doug Rich] Doug? Doug? Are you okay? What are you doing out here?
- Hiltzik: Haven't you read "Calder V. Bold"?
- Wayne Malloy: [Pretending to be Doug Rich] Yeah... Yeah, have you read "Hester V. Strapling"? Have you read "Monkey V. Chestnut"? "Jiggle V. Craphausen"? "Roaster V. Blow Me"? "Ratzen V. Katzen"?
- Junior: Shouldn't you turn it on?
- Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] You're one of those that thinks it's only working if it hurts.
- [turns the switch on]
- Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] How's that? Like that? You like that, huh?
- Dahlia Malloy: [to Ginny] Listen, you come into my house again; I will shove those Pop Tarts so far up your ass.
- Eric: Who was that?
- Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] This'll be Ken.
- Ken Danegan: Di Di's fiancé.
- Di Di Malloy: [pretending to be Di Di Rich] What?
- [last lines]
- Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Ken] You got any bags?
- Ken Danegan: What?
- Ken Danegan: Yeah. I left them on the front step.
- Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Allow me.
- Wayne Malloy: What are you doing here?
- Dahlia Malloy: I brought you lunch. Isn't that what every good little hosuewife's supposed to do?
- Hugh Panetta: I'm guessing you're good at a lot of things. You know, I could use someone like that around here.
- Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherien Rich] I bet you could.
- Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Dahlia.
- Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Wayne.
- Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Cherien.
- Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Doug.
- Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, pointing to Aubrey] Aubrey McDonald.
- Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] How do you do, I'm Mrs. Doug Rich.