Mind Your Language (TV Series)

The First Lesson (1977)

Barry Evans: Jeremy Brown

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jeremy Brown : I am Brown...

  Ali Nadim : [points at himslf and Jamilla]  No, we are brown. You are white!

  Jeremy Brown : No, my name is Brown, I am your teacher.

  Giovanni Capello : Ah! Tu professore!

• Miss Courtney : I distinctly requested for the local authority to send a woman teacher, especially in view of what happened to Mr. Warburton.

  Jeremy Brown : Mr. Warburton?

  Miss Courtney : Yes, he was teaching English language for Foreign students last term. I'm afraid he only lasted a month. Then, he departed.

  Jeremy Brown : Dead?

  Miss Courtney : Demented! Yes, the strain was too much for him. Typical of the male sex, no stamina! Always seem to be able to cope at first and then he just snapped! It was really quite disgusting!

  Jeremy Brown : Really? What did he do?

  Miss Courtney : Climbed out of the classroom window, on to the roof, took off all his clothes and stood there stark naked singing "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts!"

  Jeremy Brown : How distressing. Well, there's no need to worry on my account. I mean, I'm not about to climb out of the classroom window!

  Miss Courtney : I know you aren't.

  Jeremy Brown : Oh? Thank you for your confidence!

  Miss Courtney : It has nothing to do with confidence. We've had the window frames nailed down!

• Jeremy Brown : [while asking questions and taking notes on each of his students, he stops at Giovanni's desk]  Your name?

  Giovanni Capello : [answers clearly]  Giovanni Capello, Italian.

  Jeremy Brown : Where do you work?

  Giovanni Capello : I work in a Ristorante dei Populi

  Jeremy Brown : A waiter?

  Giovanni Capello : No, not a waiter. A cookada.

  Jeremy Brown : [curiously]  A cookada?

  Giovanni Capello : [explaining]  Si, I cookada ravioli, I cookada spaghetti, I cookada lasagne. I cookada everything!

  Jeremy Brown : [writing]  A chef?

  Giovanni Capello : OK.

• Jeremy Brown : Ah, yes, what is your name?

  Maximillian Papandrious : Maximillion Andrea Archimedes Papandreou.

  Jeremy Brown : I think I'll just put you down as Max. I take it you're Greek?

  Maximillian Papandrious : Is right. From Athens.

  Jeremy Brown : And what is your job?

  Maximillian Papandrious : I walk with sheeps.

  Jeremy Brown : You walk with sheeps? A shepherd? You work on a farm?

  Maximillian Papandrious : Ah, no, no, not farm.

  Jeremy Brown : But you said you work with sheep.

  Maximillian Papandrious : No, no, no, no sheeps. Big sheeps.

  [Makes bullhorn sounds] 

  Jeremy Brown : Ships.

• Jeremy Brown : And your name?

  Ali Nadim : I am Ali Nadeem, from Lahore. I am working at the moment, not anywhere at all.

  Jeremy Brown : You are unemployed?

  Ali Nadim : Yes, please. Only one day a week I am working.

  Jeremy Brown : And what do you do then?

  Ali Nadim : I am going to the unemployed exchange to be collecting my money. Cor blimey! I get more money for not be working than when I'm working!

  Jeremy Brown : And before you discovered this secret of eternal wealth, what did you do?

  Ali Nadim : Blimey, I worked. At the Taj Mahal.

  Jeremy Brown : In Delhi?

  Ali Nadim : No, Putney. The Taj Mahal Tandoori Restaurant. Jolly good chapati and poppadom.

• Ali Nadim : [Ali and Mr Brown bumping into each other]  Sorry, deary me. I am not going what I am looking.

  Jeremy Brown : [correcting Ali's sentence]  No, no! I wasn't looking where I was going.

  Ali Nadim : That makes the two of us. Excuse me, Sir.

• Jeremy Brown : Mrs Courtney.

  Miss Courtney : [correcting Mr Brown]  Miss!

• Jeremy Brown : I'm your new teacher, Jeremy Brown, BA Oxen.

  Miss Courtney : You're a man!

  Jeremy Brown : Yes.

  Miss Courtney : Well, this is most unsatisfactory! This won't do at all!

  Jeremy Brown : I assure you my credentials are impeccable.

  Miss Courtney : Academically perhaps, I'm talking about sex!

  Jeremy Brown : I also assure you my morals are perfectly respectable too.

  Miss Courtney : I'm referring to the fact that you are a man.

• Ranjeet Singh : I am Sikh.

  Jeremy Brown : Oh dear. I hope it's not contagious. Perhaps you ought to come back when you're better.

  Ranjeet Singh : I do not comprehend the gist of your conversation.

  Jeremy Brown : You said you are sick!

  Ranjeet Singh : No, no, no, no, no! I am not referring to my physical state of mind.

• Jeremy Brown : What is your job?

  Ranjeet Singh : I'm a very important member of the British underground.

  Jeremy Brown : The underground what?

  Ranjeet Singh : Just the underground. Mind the door!

  Jeremy Brown : Oh, that underground.