Quotes
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Dr. Perry Cox : All right, who can tell me anything about Mr. Pierce?
Keith : He uses oil heaters at his house in New Hampshire.
Dr. Perry Cox : That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid. Either way I'm whacking you with my clipboard. Brace yourself.
Keith : Wait. He's hypoxic, with a clear chest x-ray, which can be a sign of carbon monoxide poisoning. I learned that watching House.
Lisa : House is a genius.
Dr. Perry Cox : That's it, I'm whacking both of you.
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Dr. Perry Cox : OK, we have a 41-year-old male who is as orange as an NBA game ball. Who can tell me why?
Nurse Carla Espinosa : I got an idea.
Dr. Christopher Turk : Yeah, I got an idea too. If you want to work, let's stop paying for the room, so you can go home; then you can come back and get paid to work.
Nurse Carla Espinosa : Turk, I just need a break from the baby. Mr Mehleison might be a vegetarian; he's always eating carrots.
Dr. Perry Cox : But carotene, like jaundice, turns you yellow, just like certain blood disorders turn you blue and tomatoes can turn you red. Sadly, there isn't anything on God's green Earth that turns you orange.
Dr. Christopher Turk : Maybe he got freaky with some Cheetos.
Dr. Perry Cox : Swing and a miss, Webster. Next.
Keith : Maybe he used some fake tan cream. I used it once... turned me orange all over...
Dr. Perry Cox : There were no foreign substances found on his skin, but kudos, Keith, on finally outing yourself.
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Dr. Perry Cox : Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real life medical mystery so that some doctor/supermodel will want to touch your eruption button. But, here's the bad news: This isn't a TV show, there aren't any cameras over here, real medical mysteries don't happen every week, and doctors damn sure don't look like models. They look like Rex.
Rex : [Everyone looks at Rex and his muttonchops] What?
Dr. Perry Cox : Chin up, you ugly bastard. So if you wanna solve a real mystery, go ahead and figure out who's taking my New York Times every Sunday. Or better yet... how about why anybody on the planet actually thinks Dane Cook is funny? As far as Mr. Pierce goes, he has your run-of-the-mill pulmonary embolism. And I know, I know... it is a boring medical diagnosis. But that's what hospitals are: Boring.
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Dr. Christopher Turk : Dr Cox, I need your help.
Dr. Perry Cox : Make it quick. I gotta be somewhere.
Dr. Christopher Turk : Where?
Dr. Perry Cox : Anywhere you and I aren't talking.
