Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Walnuts and Demerol (2006)
Marin Hinkle: Judith Harper
Quotes
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Judith : Make this stop!
Alan Harper : I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.
Judith : Don't screw with me! Tell your ex-wife to stop flirting with my fiancee!
Alan Harper : That's funny. The way I see it, your peanut butter is all over my chocolate.
Judith : Damn it, Alan! I can make your life a living hell!
Alan Harper : How would I know the difference?
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Alan Harper : Judith, you want your man, you fight for him!
Judith : [points at Kandi] How can I compete with *that*?
Alan Harper : There's no competition! Herb loves you! You're in a mature, sophisticated relationship based on mutual respect! All Kandi has is...
[watches Herb stare at Kandi]
Alan Harper : There'll be other men.
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[Alan opens Jake's room]
Judith , Herb : [offscreen] WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
Alan Harper : Judith, what the hell are you doing?
Judith : You told me to fight for my man, I'm fighting for my man!
Herb : Alan, would you please close the door?
[Alan complies]
Alan Harper : Twelve years of marriage, she never fought for *me* from that angle...
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Herb : Honey, we've got a long drive ahead of us. We're spending the holidays in San Diego with my parents.
Judith : That's why I need eggnog.
Herb : Hey! I spent Thanksgiving with *your* parents!
Alan Harper : Oh, really? Your mom's out of rehab?
Judith : Yes, my mom's out of rehab.
Herb : Actually, she kind of jumped the fence.
Alan Harper : Well, the woman's going to be your mother-in-law. You might as well get used to it. Remember the time she rode out of Betty Ford on a lawn mower?
[Judith glares at Alan]
Alan Harper : On the plus side, she bakes Toll House cookies with walnuts and Demerol.