George Lopez (TV Series)

This Old Casa (2003)

George Lopez: George Lopez

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Lopez : Nice going Bob the Builder.

• Max Lopez : [reaching into the tub drain]  I found something, it's small and hard.

  George Lopez : You found my mom's heart.

• Max Lopez : [pulls a bottle out of the tub drain]  It's a bottle. Kentucky Bou-bon, maybe there's a message inside.

  George Lopez : Yeah, Grandma's been drinking in the tub and needs help.

• Angie Lopez : There're no knobs on the faucet, how do you turn the water on?

  Benny : I got a pair of pliers.

  George Lopez : If the pliers are in here, how do you change the channel on the TV?

  Benny : I'm not a hillbilly, I got another set of pliers.

• Benny : [George is trying to remove the toilet seat]  Hey, don't do that!

  George Lopez : You like this?

  Benny : Yeah I like it!

  George Lopez : Then say thank you. SAY it, Mom, or it's coming out!

  Benny : [grumbling]  Thank you.

  George Lopez : What?

  Benny : Thank you for the damned toilet seat!

  George Lopez : Was that so hard?

  Benny : Yeah, it is, you know I don't have a lot of experience with this. Who do I thank for dropping out of high school at 15 and working at a factory? Who do I thank for getting me pregnant at 17? Who do I thank for leaving me alone with a kid to raise? Who do I thank for feeling like I was 60 when I was 20? But thank God I know who to thank for my cushioned toilet seat!

• George Lopez : I spent my whole childhood trying to get a single thank you from my mom, and all I got was sarcasm. 'Thanks for the stretch marks, thanks for sitting in front of the TV with that big head. Thanks for scaring off all my dates by asking "are you my new daddy?"'

• Benny : Look, you put the soap dish up too high!

  George Lopez : That's because it's an ash tray!

  Benny : It is?

  [looks at it] 

  Benny : That's nice.

• George Lopez : [knock on the bathroom door]  Who is it?

  Angie Lopez : [whispering]  It's me, Angie, your mom's taking a piece of tin foil off the window, she's making herself a baked potato!

• George Lopez : [runs into the kitchen]  Angie, quick, show me your body!

  Angie Lopez : Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you your mom's using our shower.

• Angie Lopez : George, this place is falling apart, how can your mom stand this?

  George Lopez : She's used to it, besides she's older now, she's only in here a couple of times a week.

• Benny : Why do we have to talk in the bathroom?

  George Lopez : Because I want to talk in the bathroom.

  Benny : If anything happens to me in here, George, I will haunt you, I swear I will.

• George Lopez : [arguing with Angie if Benny's thankful]  Hey Angie, why don't you get my mom a cup of coffee, I'm sure she'll... appreciate it.

  Angie Lopez : I'm sure she will. Here you go, Benny, nice and hot.

  Benny : Why, you trying to burn me?

  Angie Lopez : [goes to counter and gets plate]  Benny, I made myself some French toast but you can have the leftovers, knock yourself out.

  Benny : Why don't you just give me some sausage from the TRASH CAN!

  Angie Lopez : [to George]  I want to punch her in the throat.

  George Lopez : Don't start something you can't finish.