- Brian Miller: Hey! Guys! You will not believe what happened at school today. I've been placed in the accelerated math program at Northwestern University.
- Bill Miller: Well, serves you right.
- Judy Miller: We've been waitin' up for you all night. We thought you were lyin' in a ditch somewhere.
- Brian Miller: If you were waiting up all night, then why does Dad have pillow marks all over his face?
- Bill Miller: They're... worry lines.
- Brian Miller: Why did you worry on only one side of your face?
- Judy Miller: When you stay out late, how do we know you're not lyin' in a ditch somewhere?
- Brian Miller: Where is this ditch you keep talking about?
- Judy Miller: They're around.
- Bill Miller: [on Brian moving out] He'll be back soon enough. Remember when he was ten and he insisted we let him sleep in the back yard? He didn't make it through the night. He thought it was haunted.
- Judy Miller: Well, you did try to scare him. You were runnin' through the yard with a sheet over your head howlin'.
- Bill Miller: Actually I was drunk and stumbled into the clothesline. You know, ah, believe me, I was... I was far more scared than he was.