- Alan Harper: [Evelyn comes in with her lips grotesquely swollen] What happened to your mouth?
- Evelyn Harper: I just had a little procedure.
- Alan Harper: [astonished] What kind of procedure?
- Charlie Harper: They sucked some fat out of her ass and shot it into her lips.
- Alan Harper: What did they do? Use the *whole* ass?
- Jake Harper: [to Evelyn] Dad says you've got your butt in your lips.
- Alan Harper: Just eat your dinner.
- Jake Harper: Hang on.
- [to Evelyn]
- Jake Harper: So, if you burp now, it'll really be a fart, right?
- Berta: [to Evelyn] Good Lord! What'd you do? Fellate a beehive?
- Charlie Harper: Fellate?
- Berta: I read! I can conjugate!
- Berta: [to Evelyn] Man, the last time I seen a mouth like that, it was trying to eat Jacques Cousteau!