My Name Is Earl (TV Series)
Jump for Joy (2006)
Jason Lee: Earl Hickey
Photos
Quotes
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Earl : People don't like seeing their enemies. But they do like seeing their enemies behind bars.
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Catalina : [picks up phone] Nice jumpsuit.
Joy : Ain't you sweet. Now Earl tells me that for some crazy reason, you think we're not friends!
Catalina : The first time you saw me you called me a whore.
Joy : No, you just misunderstood what I said. Which is understandable, I mean because you're Mexican.
Catalina : I'm not Mexican.
Joy : Whatever, you speak Mexican.
Catalina : I speak Spanish.
Earl : Well you both speak friendly, so let's just go with that.
Catalina : Look, I'm not stupid. I know you hate me. And I know why you hate me. It's because I'm hot.
Joy : Excuse me?
Earl : [rubs eye] Damn it, there goes the eye again.
Catalina : You're jealous of my hotness. Admit it, and I'll consider using my incredible body to free you from prison. But not the prison of your fat body, for that you have a life sentence.
Joy : I'm jealous? Sweetheart, I'm about ten times hotter than you. You're a man compared to me.
Catalina : Really? 'Cause the line on my stomach is from my muscles and not a C-Section scar.
Joy : That is NOT a C-Section scar! That's from when my prom date stabbed me! I had both my babies naturally!
Catalina : Then I'm sure your gatito is as saggy as your breasts!
Joy : [opens jumpsuit] Do these look saggy to you? I could float half your village across the mighty river with these puppies!
Catalina : I've heard enough! This was a hell of an apology. Enjoy your jail time. And by the way, your eyeballs are too big for your head. You look like Finding Nemo.
Joy : My eyeballs are big? Yeah well, all the better to see your fat ass waddle away with!
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[Earl and Randy are working out how to convince Catalina to work for Chubby again so he'll pay Joy's bail]
Earl : I don't know Randy, it's kind of a hard thing to ask a friend. Hey Catalina, you feel like working for a crazy man and shaking your half-naked body for a bunch of sweaty drunks to help a woman you can't stand get out of jail?
[Earl turns to Randy, who is daydreaming]
Randy : I'm sorry Earl. After you said "Catalina half-naked" I didn't hear.
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Chubby : [smelling one of his female employees at Club Chubby before turning to Earl] You wanna smell it? Go on, smell it!
Earl : [Earl sniffs] Nice! Vanilla.
Chubby : Yeah.
[Randy tries to sniff but is restrained by Chubby, who clenches Randy's chin]
Chubby : Not you!
Randy : [through pursued lips] But I love vanilla! It's my third favourite flavour!
Chubby : Alright. Just a whiff.
[Chubby drags Randy towards female employee by his chin then releases him]
Randy : [satisfied] It smells like a cupcake with boobies.
Chubby : [pulls a gun on Randy] Open up! This is a real classy joint. And I don't wanna ever hear boobies around here. Got that?
Randy : [paralysed with fear] Uh-huh!
Chubby : [shoots Randy, revealing the gun to be a water pistol full of alcohol] Vodka!
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Earl : [voiceover] Back in 1996, Joy had a bright idea on how to make some extra money.
Joy : [at copy machine] Can we get some more green ink in this machine?
Kenny James : [as copy shop employee] Is that... are you copying money?
Joy : Ssssh! Don't say anything, I'll make it worth your while!
Kenny James : [attempting to take counterfeit money from Joy] Ma'am, I'm afraid I can't let you...
Joy : What are you doing?
Kenny James : We have a policy. I signed a loyalty oath.
Joy : Give me my fake money! That's my fake money!
Kenny James : [shouting] COPY RESPONSIBLY, COPY RESPONSIBLY!
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Earl : [voiceover] Most mornings I'll wake up thinking about my list. But sometimes I have more important things on my mind. Like court.
Randy : [looking at a walnut between his thumb and forefinger] I'm gonna ask the judge to smash this walnut with his judge hammer. I bet it explodes like a Death Star!
Earl : You might be disappointed Randy. Like when you got that tow truck driver to drag your pumpkin.
Randy : He drove off before I could get the wig on it!
Randy : [in court] Should I ask him now, Earl? I saw a guy with back there with pistachios
[sic]
Randy : and I don't want him to go before me!
Earl : Well I don't think he's here to get 'em cracked, Randy.
