30 Rock (TV Series)

Blind Date (2006)

Alec Baldwin: Jack Donaghy

Quotes 

• Jack Donaghy : All right then. You're not a lesbian. Duly noted. I'll correct that on your file. It's too bad, though. Thomas thought you were great.

  Liz Lemon : She did?

  Jack Donaghy : Yes. She said she thought you looked like Jennifer Jason Leigh.

  Liz Lemon : Really? She said that?

  Jack Donaghy : Yes, I made her repeat it. I was sure she meant Jason Lee.

• Jack : The Italians have a saying, Lemon: 'Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.' And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this case they're right.

  [about Kenneth] 

  Jack : In five years we'll all either be working for him... or be dead by his hand.

• Jack : [running into Liz in the hallway on the day of the blind date he set up for her]  What are gonna wear?

  Liz Lemon : This probably

  [indicating she will wear her office clothes] 

  Liz Lemon : . I don't have time to go home

  Jack : That won't do.

  [fishes a wad of cash from his pocket and proceeds to give Lemon some money] 

  Jack : I want you to go out in your lunch hour and find something.

  [pauses before emphasizing] 

  Jack : in a *women's* clothing store.

• Jack : [implying that mood affects the performance of his employees and that Liz always seems to be unhappy]  Human contact is important, Lemon. I can tell from your stress level that you've not been touched in any way for quite some time. Not caressed. Not massaged. Not even groped on the subway. Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon?

  Liz Lemon : No. I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.

  Jack : I would think that the single woman's biggest worry would be choking to death in her apartment.

• Jack : How was your evening with Thomas?

  Liz Lemon : You mean Gretchen Thomas, the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian? What made you think I was gay?

  Jack : Your shoes.

  Liz Lemon : Well I'm straight.

  Jack : Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

  Liz Lemon : Regardless, I am straight. One-hundred precent completely straight.

  Jack : Well I'm sorry if I offended you.

• Jack : You are a puzzle Kenneth Allen. And I'm going to solve you.