Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Working for Caligula (2006)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : All right. I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

  [goes to the phone] 

  Berta : What are you going to do?

  Charlie Harper : Something I hoped I'd never have to do.

  Rose : You don't mean...

  Charlie Harper : Afraid so... Hello? Mom?

• Charlie Harper : I'll go back upstairs, you come knock on my door again and say you want to talk to me. Only this time, I'll kill you!

  Alan Harper : Oh, come on! You're all I have left in this world! I need you Charlie!

  Charlie Harper : Anybody here know a "Charlie"?

• Alan Harper : [Opening Charlie's bedroom door]  Charlie? Are you in here?

  Charlie Harper : [In bed with an attractive woman named Tina]  Hey, Alan! Long time, no see!

  [to Tina] 

  Charlie Harper : Say hello to my brother, Alan.

  Tina : [Waving]  Hi, Alan!

  Cindy : [Suddenly popping up from under the sheets]  Hi, Alan!

  Marie : [Suddenly appearing from the bathroom and joining Charlie in bed]  Hi, Alan!

  Alan Harper : Umm... I'm interrupting?

  Charlie Harper : Gee, you think?

  Alan Harper : I really need to talk to you. Can you come downstairs?

  Charlie Harper : Sure, give me...

  [Looks around at the three girls in bed with him] 

  Charlie Harper : An hour and a half!

  Alan Harper : An hour and a half?

  Charlie Harper : I know it's a little rushed, but we're on a tight schedule here. Tina's got homework, Cindy's gotta meet her fiancé and Marie... Well, Marie's on the clock!

  Alan Harper : You already had two women in bed and you felt the need to call a professional?

  Charlie Harper : Better safe than sorry!