[
on Milo being an actor]
Andrew Wyke:
Why have I never heard of you?
Milo Tindle:
You will before long.
Andrew Wyke:
Really?
Milo Tindle:
In spades.
Andrew Wyke:
That sounds threatening.
Milo Tindle:
Does it?
Andrew Wyke:
Doesn't it?
Andrew Wyke:
I understand you're fucking my wife.
Milo Tindle:
That's right.
Andrew Wyke:
Right... Yes, right. So, we've cleared that up.
Milo Tindle:
We have.
Andrew Wyke:
I thought you might have denied it.
Milo Tindle:
Why would I deny it?
Andrew Wyke:
Well, she is my wife.
Milo Tindle:
Yes, but she's fucking me.
Andrew Wyke:
Oh, she's fucking you too, huh? Well, I'll be buggered. Ha ha. Sorry.
Milo Tindle:
Yes, it's mutual.
Andrew Wyke:
You take turns?
Milo Tindle:
We fuck each other. That's what people do.
Andrew Wyke:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I follow.
Andrew Wyke:
In this day and age, is marriage absolutely necessary? Isn't it a bit old-hat?
Milo Tindle:
Maggie never told me you were... such a manipulator. She told me you were no good in bed, but she never told me you were such a manipulator.
Andrew Wyke:
She told you I was no good in bed?
Milo Tindle:
Oh, yes.
Andrew Wyke:
She was joking. I'm wonderful in bed.
Milo Tindle:
I must tell her.
Milo Tindle:
I'm so glad you like my mind. Not many people like my mind. Quite a few people like my body... but i can't think of anyone who likes my mind.
Milo Tindle:
What's it all about?
Andrew Wyke:
They're a funny lot, the Italians. Culture isn't really their thing.
[
last lines]
Andrew Wyke:
Goodbye, darling.
[
first lines]
Andrew Wyke:
Yes?
Milo Tindle:
Andrew Wyke?
Andrew Wyke:
That's right.
Milo Tindle:
I'm Milo Tindle.
[
repeated line]
Andrew Wyke:
I want to show you something.
Andrew Wyke:
A great branch broke off a big tree and - flew through the air, through the skylight - as you can see. Act of God.
Detective Inspector Black:
Had it in for you, did he?
Andrew Wyke:
Who?
Detective Inspector Black:
God.
Andrew Wyke:
Oh, yes, he's always been a vicious bastard.
Andrew Wyke:
You know what God's trouble is?
Detective Inspector Black:
What?
Andrew Wyke:
He has no father. He has no family roots. He's rootless. Nowhere to hang his hat, poor bugger. I pity him.
Andrew Wyke:
What sort of parts do you play?
Milo Tindle:
Killers, mostly. Sex maniacs, perverts.
Andrew Wyke:
So you're not well-known.
Detective Inspector Black:
No, I'm a common-or-garden copper. Just catch sex criminals, perverts.
[
sniff]
Detective Inspector Black:
Homicidal maniacs.
Andrew Wyke:
And what do you do with them when you catch them?
Detective Inspector Black:
I generally cut their balls off.
[
laugh]
Related Links
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