[
from trailer]
Shelley:
They're kicking me out?
Marvin:
Maybe it's because of your age.
Shelley:
But I'm 27.
Marvin:
But that's 59 in Bunny Years.
[
from trailer]
Oliver:
You given any thought to who you might be voting for?
Shelley:
I definitely won't listen to what Simon says, he is just so mean. I usually always agree with Paula and Randy.
Shelley:
Oh, you meant the president.
Shelley:
Good morning Pooter! You're looking dapper!
Shelley:
I gotta meet this freakin' bird!
Shelley:
Manhole. I like that word. Manhole.
Shelley:
My allergic reaction made me feel beautiful.
Shelley:
Sweet balls!
Shelley:
My heart is pounding like a nail!
Carrie Mae:
The only magic I ever did was try to figure out how to stay in college for nine years and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho.
Natalie:
Shelley knows how to meet guys, hence, we will learn how to meet guys.
Shelley:
Yeah, hence!
Carrie Mae:
Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to drop some timber.
Shelley:
[
puts on Natalie's glasses] God, you need to go to the eye doctor!
Natalie:
I did. That's where I got my glasses.
Shelley:
Instead of the Mahi-Mahi, can I get just the one Mahi, because I'm not that hungry?
Shelley:
The eyes are the nipples of the face.
Shelley:
[
while reading a letter] Dear Shelley. Oh my gosh, that's me! Wait there's more!
Natalie:
We could tie our shoes together, our tennis shoes, and we could throw them over telephone wires. Because I see that everywhere and it seems like people would have fun doing that. Like, how hard can you throw? You know what I mean? Like how - what are you -
[
stops herself]
Natalie:
[
awkward pause]
Shelley:
Or we could go to a club.
Harmony:
[
Lilly whispers to her something about Shelley] No, that doesn't make her a hooker, sorry.
Natalie:
This is Harmony.
Shelley:
[
frog voice] Harmony.
[
Harmony looks disturbed]
Natalie:
And Carrie Mae.
Shelley:
[
frog voice] Carrie Mae.
Natalie:
[
points] And that's Joanne over there.
Shelley:
[
frog voice] Joanne.
[
Joanne waves distributively]
Natalie:
What is that? Is it like a Yoda, type of thing, I mean it's cool, fun, but?
Shelley:
Oh, it's just this thing I do to remember people's names.
[
frog voice]
Shelley:
Natalie.
Mona:
[
sarcastically] Wow, you hired the exorcist, that's great!
Shelley:
I'm an expert at parties and boys! I'm a bunny! Men write to me from prison, sometimes even in their own blood, which I think is theirs, but I don't know, I'm really nervous because I really want to help.
Natalie:
A-a bunny? You mean, like, centerfold?
Shelley:
Oh, bless your heart, no, just a few pictorials, like "Girls from the Midwest" and "Girls with GEDs."
Natalie:
[
after getting their make-overs and everybody stares at them] So this is what it's like to be not invisible.
Harmony:
Oh, not invisible, just the anti-hot.
Shelley:
[
Talking to Oliver] Oh, wait here for a second, I think I dropped some money over here the other day. I just don't know wherever it could be. Maybe it's over here by this manhole...
[
stands seductively on a steaming manhole]
Shelley:
Haaaa-ARGH! That is fucking hot!
Mrs. Hagstrom:
Don't mess with me. Don't mess with Phi Iota Mu.
Shelley:
Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi-massage combo PRONTO.
Mrs. Hagstrom:
[
about the college] This is not a brothel.
Shelley:
Oh, I'm not looking to make soup.
Tyler:
So, are you a Zeta?
Shelley:
Oh! I wish.
Tyler:
Yeah. I do too 'cause Zeta would be my favorite hizzity hang.
Natalie:
Well, she is not a Zeta because she's our new hizzity house mother. She'll be hizzy-tizzy - - She'll be here all the time.
Shelley:
You're hiring me?
[
She hugs Natalie. The boys seem to like it and start making appreciative noises]
Natalie:
Why are they acting like that?
Shelley:
Boys just being boys. Thank goodness!
Natalie:
[
taking pictures of Harmony for their calendar] Keep doing that. Keep doing that. Make love to the camera.
[
laughs]
Natalie:
I saw that in Austin Powers.
Shelley:
Yeah. Work it. Think, really sexy witch. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Harmony:
A good witch.
Shelley:
I think you're a bad witch.
Harmony:
Oh!
Shelley:
Oh! I bet the house that falls on you is gonna be a sexy house.
Natalie:
Work it. Work it. You're like a supermodel, except more pregnant.
Shelley:
Natalie, Colby was following you around like a puppy dog. Do you guys think you'll, you know...
Natalie:
No. I do not think, you know, THAT.
Shelley:
That? Natalie, are you a virgin?
Natalie:
No. Am I a virgin? No.
Shelley:
You're a virgin!
[
She says it a little too loudly and everyone in the quad stops in their tracks]
Natalie:
Shhh. It's like an amphitheater in here.
Shelley:
That's it. Oh my gosh. We have to have an Aztec party. We always wanted to have one at the mansion but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice.
Shelley:
I don't think he likes me. He didn't fall for any of my tricks.
Natalie:
That's impossible. Your tricks always work.
Shelley:
I did sexy. I did other guys want me. I worked every angle in the book but, I don't know, he just stared.
Natalie:
What if Oliver is one of those guys who wants to have, like, a conversation with a girl before he hooks up with her.
Shelley:
He's gay?
Shelley:
Kindness is just love with its work boots on.
Shelley:
[
Z from the sorority letters falls on her head] Ooh, what was that?
Natalie:
[
coming outside] oh, yeah that happens like, ten times a day.
Shelley:
Oh, well... at least you've still got T and A!
Carrie Mae:
Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to do a *very mysterious* thing in there...
[
whispers]
Carrie Mae:
drop some timber.
Oliver:
No, it's for senior citizens, you know, an old folks... for old people.
Shelley:
I know lots of old men - hairy and not-hairy. But I don't mean to brag.
Mona:
You like what you see, stud?
Guy at bar:
Not really sure what I'm looking at, metal-face. Let me guess, is it a Hannibal Lecter thing?
Mona:
Yeah, it is.
[
bites his arm]
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