Last of the Summer Wine (TV Series)

Some Vans Can Make You Deaf (2000)

Peter Sallis: Clegg

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Clegg : It's a bit, uh, House and Garden, isn't it, Howard, hmm? Should you start enjoying home life what are you going to do with Marina?

  Howard : [Howard gasps]  I hardly know the person.

  Clegg : How long have you had these aspirations towards the, ah, tea and crumpet set?

  Pearl : It's him. He's been looking at holiday brochures.

  Clegg : Ah.

  Pearl : We don't holiday; we just look at brochures.''

  Howard : She's nervous of air travel.

  Pearl : Because he grips your arm so tightly it takes a week to get your circulation back.

  Clegg : Does he often get fancy ideas?

  Pearl : Not with his wife.

  Howard : I just fancied breakfast on the terrace. I don't know why I'm picked on like this.

  Pearl : Well, speaking personally, I enjoy it. Would you like a cup o' tea, Norm?

  Clegg : Oh, thank you. I never thought I'd live next door to anybody who had breakfast on the terrace. But I must admit I always feel a bit uneasy about eating outdoors; there are so many people about wearing funny shorts. You can lose your appetite in seconds.

  Howard : Used to eating outdoors. Though I suppose some people get used to it more quickly than others.

  Pearl : There's a fly in your tea. Get used to that quickly too.

  Howard : It's got a funny look about it.

  Clegg : Long as it's not wearing funny shorts.