- Compo Simmonite: Hey-up, things must be serious if Foggy's opening his purse. I shouldn't bother with that, Foggy; we've been decimalized since thee were last in there.
- Compo Simmonite: Buried treasure!
- Foggy Dewhurst: Yeah, buried treasure.
- Compo Simmonite: [laughing] You should be locked up! I can just see Captain Morgan and all them other pirates coming up the canal desperate to bury their treasure somewhere near 'Uddersfield.
- Foggy Dewhurst: There's more than one kind of treasure, you know.
- Compo Simmonite: Oh yes, I can see all them jolly pirates singing their Yorkshire sea shanties: Yo ho ho, and a bottle of John Smith's
- [first lines]
- Foggy Dewhurst: I understand the co-op has some big reductions in winceyette pajamas.
- Norman Clegg: I could do with some big reductions in mine.
- Norman Clegg: I think I'd rather wait out here.
- Foggy Dewhurst: Well, what's the matter with you?
- Norman Clegg: He's such a red hot salesman is Dougie, he's bound to sell me something.
- Foggy Dewhurst: Ah, rubbish.
- Norman Clegg: It usually is.
- [last lines]
- Foggy Dewhurst: Dig it up; dig it up; it might be Roman.
- Compo Simmonite: Don't. Watch these trousers.
- [grunts]
- Compo Simmonite: Yeah, it's an old beer can.
- Norman Clegg: Ingenious beggars, them Romans.
- Compo Simmonite: It's Tetley's.
- Norman Clegg: Gaius Julius Tetley. I like it.
- Compo Simmonite: Me too. Let's go and have one.