- Compo: Ivy, when is Marlene going to do her cabaret?
- Ivy: Oh, just ignore him, Mrs Batty
- Nora Batty: I do, I spend half my life ignoring him. He shouts through my letterbox, words like, "see-through blouses."
- [first lines]
- Foggy: Well, the trouble with you people is you're not as fit as you used to be.
- Clegg: I don't think I was ever as fit as we used to be.
- Compo: I'm knackered.
- Foggy: Lost some of the... polish has gone from the top end of your performance curves.
- Clegg: Nay, you mustn't go jumping to conclusions just because we can't breathe and our legs collapse.
- Compo: What tha' talking about, thou long-shanked basket; tha's just as puffed as we are!
- Foggy: That's ridiculous.
- Compo: Even poofier.
- Foggy: I've always kept myself in first-class fighting trim.
- Clegg: Yes, but your trim has become a short back and sides, Foggy.
- Foggy: What's a scientific term for flashes in front of the eyes?
- Clegg: Indecent exposure?
- [last lines]
- Foggy: Take your lead from me. Don't have to panic; just leave it to the horses. They'll take us home. The horses know where they're going.
- Clegg: I do enjoy hearing people discuss politics. It makes you realize there are things more boring than growing old.