- Compo Simmonite: We were very good at being poor. We were, we were famous for it.
- Foggy Dewhurst: You were famous for not going to work. That's why you were poor.
- Compo Simmonite: No, I blame that on God.
- Foggy Dewhurst: Oh yeah, that's right, go on. Typical. Blame the Conservatives.
- Ivy: They say it's a mystery why primitive man ever came down from the trees. Well, it's no mystery to me. If he were owt like you lot, I expect the silly devil fell out.
- Compo Simmonite: There was one very, very irritating habit that landlords cannot stand.
- Foggy Dewhurst: All right. What is that? we ask cautiously.
- Foggy Dewhurst: Having no money.
- [last lines]
- Compo Simmonite: Hey, Foggy! Your luck's in; there's some fellow wants rescuing off the roof.
- Foggy Dewhurst: A man should have some purpose in his life.
- Compo Simmonite: What's wrong with beer and funny women?