Last of the Summer Wine (TV Series)
Has Anyone Seen a Peruvian Wart? (2005)
Keith Clifford: Billy
Photos
Quotes
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[last lines]
Clegg : Crowcroft. So, I mean, how is he?
Truly : Well, he was looking much better when he said goodbye.
Clegg : Goodbye? Where's he going?
Billy : Into a monastery he said.
Truly : In Peru.
Alvin : Maybe it's nice in Peru.
Billy : Maybe there are no warts in Peru.
Clegg : Huh. I must admit I've never seen a Peruvian with a wart. I was only thinking so this morning. I suppose we've led such sheltered lives. You get to our age and you've never seen a Peruvian with a wart.
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[first lines]
Billy : Tha's looking for a female companion; I'm looking to get rid of the wife's sister. It's the perfect solution.
Smiler : Uh, I wouldn't say perfect.
Billy : She's quite... well... very nearly quite attractive. If you don't mind warts.
Tom : We've talked about blemishes; he's not expecting perfection. He- he'd consider loss of leg, going bald.
Billy : You're home free. She's got a full set.
Smiler : What about facial hair?
Billy : Yeah, with nearly every wart! Eee, th've struck lucky again, Smiler. Is this uncanny or what!
Tom : He doesn't mind warts, do you?
Smiler : Depends on the bits in between.
Billy : Ah. The warts are the best bits. But, she'd be company for you in the winter of your years.
Smiler : It sounds like another hard winter.
