Dudley Moore: Various Characters

Quotes 

• [an upper-class father decides it's time to have 'a bit of a chat' with his son, who is 'verging on eighteen'] 

  Father : In order for you to be brought about, it was necessary for your mother and I to do something. In particular, it was necessary for your mother... to sit on a chair... which I had recently vacated, and which was still warm from my body. And then, something very mysterious, rather wonderful and beautiful happened and, sure enough, four years later, you were born. Now, there's nothing unhealthy about this, Roger. There's nothing unnatural. It's a beautiful thing in the right hands, and there's no need to think less of your mother because of it. She had to do it, she did it, and here you are.

  Roger : Well, Sir, it's very kind of you to tell me. One thing actually slightly alarms me: I was sitting in this very chair yesterday, Sir, and I vacated it, and the cat sat on it while it was still warm. Should we have it destroyed?

  Father : It's a lovely chair, Roger.

  Roger : The cat, Sir.

  Father : Destroyed? Oh, no, Roger, you don't understand. This thing of which I speak can only happen between two people who are married. And you're not married.

  Roger : Not yet, anyway, Sir,

  Father : Not to the cat, in any case.