- Johnny "Drama" Chase: No woman should ever joke about that.
- Turtle: No, they should not. But either way, I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.
- Johnny Drama: [about E being offered a threesome] When opportunity knocks you let her the fuck in and for God's sake you let her go down on your girlfriend!
- Ari Gold: You all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. Any job. I don't care if it's a porn shoot in which he is being gang-raped by a gaggle of silverback apes - if there are cameras rolling, everyone wins.
- Turtle: I know you're not a big porn guy, but the innovations since the DVD are pretty amazing. Remember back in the day, you'd be tugging it and they'd cut to a close-up of the guy's face and you'd want to kill yourself. Never again... multi-angles.
- Ari Gold: It's too late for sorries. Vince is out, Jake Gyllenhaal is in. Brokeback motherfucking Aquaman. Take that, bitch!