- [Duke tastes a spoonful from a pot on the stove]
- Duke: Yuck! I've tasted laundry soap better than this!... Come to think of it, this IS laundry!
- Leatherhead: [smashes Frog-Face with a chair] Breathmint!
- Frog-Face: [blasts Leatherhead with a bazooka] Candy mint!
- Leatherhead: [charges at Frog-Face with a tank] Breathmint!
- Frog-Face: [charges at Leatherhead with a jet] Candy mint!
- Duke: Boys, boys, boys! Come here! I want to talk about food!
- Leatherhead: Yummy! When do we eat?
- Duke: We don't, we're all out of food! Unless one of you boys wants to go to town to by some hamburgers!
- Shipwreck: [narrates] So first, he sent Leatherhead to pick up the grub. But on his way he met the big bad Cobra, who struck his weakest spot and made off in a flash with the cash!
- Shipwreck: [narrates] Once upon a time, there was this little old shoemaker who lived in a combat boot. His name was Duke... uh, the Duke. And he had three sons: his fat, stupid, ugly Marine son Leatherhead; his fatter, stupider, uglier SEAL son Frog-Face; and his dashing, handsome, real intelligent sailor son Shipshape!
- Polly: This is for the birds...
- Duke: [to Leatherhead and Frog-Face] You two bozo brothers couldn't bring home the bacon even if they worked on a pig farm!
- Cobra Commander: Cobra Commander, summoning Zartan!
- Zartan: What is it this time, Cobra Commander?
- Cobra Commander: Two of my Battle Vipers lost this: the MacGuffin Device. I must get it back at any costs! Your Dreadnoks must leave immediately!
- Zartan: That may be a problem. It appears, Commander, they're engaged in a weighty philosophical debate.
- Cobra Commander: Oh, brawling again, eh?
- Zartan: Of course, for something this simple, I might take on a solo mission. After all, why bother the boys... or split the fee?
- Shipwreck: Hey, what's a MacGuffin device?
- Beach Head: Top secret, swabby.
- Shipwreck: Heheh, so you don't know either, huh?