- Benny: That's my steering wheel.
- George Lopez: You'll get it back when I get back my golf clubs and the new driver you're going to buy me.
- Benny: How am I supposed to do that if I can't use my car?
- George Lopez: I'm gonna say the same thing that you said to me when I was eight and I stepped on that nail that went through my foot, "Not my problem."
- George Lopez: [to Benny] You never taught me anything. You just punished me. I wasn't "Hooked on Phonics," I was hooked to a radiator.
- George Lopez: [to Benny] Mom, I swear if you touch another one of my clubs, I'll take your... I'll hurt your... dammit! There's nothing she cares about!
- Benny: [seeking revenge for the Reno trip] No, it's not over. You screwed me, now I'm going to get you. It's payback time.
- George Lopez: What are you going to do? Raise me again?
- George Lopez: [after Gina asks George to go with her to Reno] Gina, the hotel in Reno doesn't have turn down service, but I do.
- George Lopez: While all the other kids were camping and getting Indian names, I was alone in the backyard, so I had to come up with my own name: "Boy Who Plays With Himself." After I told all the other Rangers my name, no one would do the secret handshake with me anymore.
- Benny: Nobody's got as good numbers as mine.
- George Lopez: No way. You made these up.
- Benny: Go out and check the warehouse. I haven't worked so hard since I tried to teach you to spell "cat."