- Alex P. Keaton: I need your help.
- Mallory Keaton: Do you want me to write one of your term papers for you?
- Alex P. Keaton: This is no time for your jokes Mallory.
- Alex P. Keaton: Great news. Great news! I got my term paper on Hoover back from Mr. Wilkinson. A-plus.
- Elyse Keaton: Nice work, Alex.
- Alex P. Keaton: Look at this. Look what he wrote on the front. "An incredibly well-argued thesis. "I voted for Roosevelt four times. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways."
- Alex P. Keaton: I never oversleep, never! Never! I have one of those internal clock radios. I had that scholarship in the bag. I blew it!
- Steven Keaton: Speed is like that, Alex, it'll keep you up for a while but um, when you crash, you crash hard.
- Alex P. Keaton: No, I can handle it.
- Elyse Keaton: Well look at how you're handling it, you're on your knees rummaging through the garbage looking for *someone else's* diet pills!