The Cosby Show (TV Series)
Call of the Wild (1987)
Bill Cosby: Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable
Quotes
-
Theo Huxtable : [Walks into the Huxtables' bedroom] I want you both to know that I'm really sorry about what Sondra and Elvin did to you.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Well... okay.
Theo Huxtable : No i mean it. Now you two were thrown a curve. If Sondra had come to you in her senior year of high school and said 'Mom, Dad, I want to open a camping store' you would have been braced for it. But to do it after four years of college was really unfair... and I want you both to know that I would never do that to you.
Clair Huxtable : Thank you, Theo.
Theo Huxtable : And that's why I'm telling you now that I am not going to college. I'm going to open up my own business right after I graduate from high school.
Clair Huxtable : And where are you going to get the money?
Theo Huxtable : Well that's why I'm here. See all you have to do is give me the money you were going to spend on my college education, now.
Clair Huxtable : Ah, I see. How much are we talking?
Theo Huxtable : Well, I brought my calculator and this research so we could figure it out.
[Hands paperwork to Cliff and sits down next to him on the bed]
Theo Huxtable : Here you go. Now to go to Bennington College...
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Wait, wait. Bennington is the most expensive school in the United States of America right now!
Theo Huxtable : Yeah, but you and Mom would have wanted me to go to a top school.
Clair Huxtable : Of course!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Yes.
Theo Huxtable : Good! Now, tuition plus room and board would cost $17,999.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Mm hmm.
Theo Huxtable : Now multiply that by four years and add a 5% increase each year for inflation. Then add $7,000 for books and lab fees...
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Lab fees?
Theo Huxtable : [Smiles proudly] I was going to be a chemistry major.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [Looks at Clair] We would have been proud of him.
Theo Huxtable : [Smiles and chuckles] Thanks! Now, Bennington College is in Vermont. So we would have to figure in the cost of coming home every weekend.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [to Clair] He would 'come home every weekend'.
[Clair grins]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : He's a good boy.
Theo Huxtable : That comes to $8,000. Now plus $3,000 for incidentals.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Don't forget askadentals.
Theo Huxtable : What's an 'askadental'?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Askadentals is the money you ask for when you mis-spend the incidental money you asked for.
Theo Huxtable : [Grinning] All right, I like that!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Mm hmm.
Theo Huxtable : Okay so we add another $5,000 for... 'askadentals'. Okay so the grand total is $112,500.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Mm hmm - that's pretty steep.
Clair Huxtable : Yes, it is.
Theo Huxtable : But! I'm willing to deal here. Now because you two are such great parents, I'm going to take off 18%.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Sounds good.
Clair Huxtable : Absolutely.
Theo Huxtable : It does?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Sure! Now all you have to do is take the college boards and be accepted to Bennington as a chemistry major.
Theo Huxtable : Tell you what. If I don't get accepted into Bennington, I'll take 50c on the dollar.
Clair Huxtable : And Theo I'm going to tell you what
[Cliff laughs]
Clair Huxtable : If I were you? I would get out of this room while I was ahead and alive.
Theo Huxtable : [Gets up from the bed nervously] Well can I at least BORROW $3 for some pizza?
[Cliff and Clair laugh]
-
Clair Huxtable : It's the most exciting time of their lives.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Uh huh, and do you know why? Because they have no children.
-
Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux : Elvin, we're married now. You can call him Dad.
Elvin Tibideaux : May I?
-
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : What am I gonna do with him?
Clair Huxtable : You take him on a long trip in the country and drop him off. No, no, see, he will love it out there in the wilderness.
-
Elvin Tibideaux : They're opening a wilderness store in Brooklyn this winter.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : In - in - Brook - in - in... in Brooklyn?
-
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [the diplomas fall off the wall when Clair closes the door] These are your degrees from Princeton.
Elvin Tibideaux : Yeah.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Fell down.
Elvin Tibideaux : Yeah.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Rather symbolic, don't you think?
