- Edith Bunker: [Archie and Edith are visiting Gloria and Mike in California. Edith is peeking over the patio wall at the neighbors] You got a lot of neighbors, don't ya.
- Gloria Stivic: Oh yeah.
- Edith Bunker: Are they all poor or somethin?
- Gloria Stivic: No, why?
- Edith Bunker: Well they're all just laying there, passing around the same cigarette.
- Archie: [Rolling his eyes] Gloria, take your poor mother out of harm's way, will ya.
- Mike Stivic: Nice to see you, Arch.
- Archie: Yeah well, nice to see you too, Michael.
- Mike Stivic: You called me Michael.
- Archie: What the hell, it's Christmas.
- Edith: Mike, how did you hurt your back?
- Mike Stivic: Lifting a hibachi.
- Archie: What a dope, you lifed a motorcycle?
- Archie Bunker: [after finding out Gloria had an affair] Meathead, I never thought I'd be saying this, but YOU'RE too good for HER!
- Gloria: My parents gave us five years of happiness in their house.
- Mike Stivic: Those were the worst five years of my life.
- Gloria: Those were the first five years we were married.
- Mike Stivic: Bingo.
- Edith Bunker: What's a Toyota Hatchback?
- Archie Bunker: It's got slanted headlights and it'll bomb you without warning.
- Mike Stivic: How was your trip?
- Stephanie: I threw up twice.
- Mike Stivic: Rough plane ride, huh?
- Stephanie: I threw up in Gloria's car.
- Edith Bunker: [to Archie, after he finds out that Gloria had an affair] No matter what she done its none of your business.
- Archie Bunker: What're you talking about; its the world's business.
- Edith Bunker: No, it ain't the world's business neither.
- Archie Bunker: [shouting] Well its certainly God's business.
- Edith Bunker: [Quietly] Then you let God tend to it.